A Place To Ponder
Just tiding things over here. Jan,please feel free to put up a thread with your tropical breezes pics anytime. That goes for you too, Don...did you take any shots of the swaying palms while in Florida? We are freezing here, y'all...lol
I never received anything about posting Ivy. Not so many photos this times, but I've been to Florida many times.
You know my places I need to take care of are just the tip of my nasty iceberg. I went to spend the day with my SF Saturday. He is up to his chin in debt but he is land poor. He's 81, ready to leave this world but looks better than I do except his mind is going. He has a fairly big estate which he still owes money on. He was a victim of those bankers, years ago, who talked the farmers, who had a couple of good years, only a couple where they didn't lose their ass, into buying all this land. He still owes on it. He hasn't paid his land taxes, or his income taxes. He has no money except a little SS check. His only other income is his cows that sell several times a year. I get several cow checks that I turn back over to him. He probably gives them to the church. He has lots of Catholic church solicitors that get him for what he doesn't even have.My nephew, when he came down a while back did hire a house keeper because the mice had taken over his house. I went out and tried to clean it one day and it took all day just to make a dent in it. This lady my nephew hired is Penticostal, you'd think she would be on the level but she borrowed money from him. The check bounced but she still got her money. She is still supposed to be cleaning but the house was filthy. He has a horse in the front yard and lets these pitiful old dirty dogs in the house. The house is falling apart. He lives 40 miles away so it's not like we can drop over. I took everything I had to keep that place up when I was living there taking care of my mom. I'd sweep a mountain of dog hair out everyday. He has a lot that he can sell but that would be a full time job in itself. He is really incompetent to take care of his business. He has a nephew up in north La who is has his power of attorney. He borrowed money from his nephew recently and still owes that. He asked me to be that POA but I didn't have the time or the skills to do it. Early this year he asked me for money to buy gold and I turned him down. He didn't remember that when I asked. A small part of his estate did belong to my mom but before she died he pulled all kinds of things to cut her out of everything he could, after she took care of his ass for over 30 years. He never appreciated what my mother did for him and she cooked, cleaned, did his books and waited on him hand and foot. He really was a selfish old man but I do love him. So......have any suggestions? My way of coping has been to hang out here and play spider solitaire. Hasn't been very effective.
Carol,My two cents which may be worth even less than face value: you are good to do what you do to help your SF physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Those are worth more than gold. Spider solitaire sounds good to me. The financial responsibilities, including the losses caused by the unscrupulous solicitors and housekeeper, belong exclusively to the nephew. All you can do is let him know what you see happening. It's hard, but you have to keep boundaries for your own well-being. It's obvious if a person cannot take care of himself, he can't take care of others. There are many "others" who depend on you keeping yourself whole. It seems counter-intuitive, but putting yourself first is not "selfish." It's about balance.I'm so sad that your mother did not get a fair return on the contributions she made to her marriage.
Don,Are you saying you are still waiting for the guest-blogger invitation? Carol can send that if she has your e-mail address. We'd love to see some Florida photos.
Carol, Before you make any decisions, don't you have to run it by his nephew (that is poa).Seems to me you don't have enough information yet to make a decision. First thing you need to know is the value of his property, against what he owes on it. The cheapest way (free) to find that out, is to call three different real estate agents to come out and give you an idea of the market value. Tell them you're thinking about putting it on the market (whether you are or not). You get three, so you have some basis of comparison, but don't tell them you're getting three.You need to call the county to see if you owes on his property taxes. If he's behind on any of his taxes (income, etc) then I think they'll be first in line to demand their money if he decides to sell. If he has a lot of property, and wants to stay in his house, maybe he could sell off part of it. Or does he have enough land to lease out some of it (and therefore, the taxes taken from selling it won't apply).Since his nephew is power of attorney, it seems like he should be the one to have to do all of this. I can't understand why he hasn't fired that housekeeper. Take a loss if necessary and get rid of her!There are people that would be glad to live there and take care of him, if you gave them free rent (and maybe just a little money, not much more than the housekeeper was getting).The other alternative Carol, is to hand it all over to his nephew. I know you love him, so enjoy your time with him, but stop worrying about what should be done (if you decide on this choice). Actually, there's lots of choices. As far as I'm concerned, the most important thing you need to do is to take the pressure off of 'yourself'. You're carrying around way too much weight on your back, and all you have to do is let go (dump it off). You're taking on worry and responsibility that is bad for your health. Like Dr. Weil says, you have to be good to yourself. He say's you have to think of yourself as the heart, so even though those around you are counting on you, you have to come first. Because if the heart goes out, then everything depending on it it does too.
Ivy, I wrote my spiel on notepad, then pasted, after which I read your advice. I can't believe how close we were thinking on this. I agree with everything you said so well.
"It seems counter-intuitive, but putting yourself first is not "selfish." It's about balance."Right on Ivy!Best advice you'll ever get Carol. Follow what Ivy said there, and you can't go wrong. I read a book long ago, called 'The art of Selfishness'. It's awfully old now, but I'm going to check and see if it's still in print (I doubt it).
When I looked up the book on Amazon, the first thing that popped up was this, which I think is very similar to what Ivy said: "Live your life to the best benefit of yourself and others, February 8, 1998By A CustomerWhen I first saw this book fifteen years ago, the title shocked me and captured my attention. There are plenty of people in your life that want you to live for them. This book shows that if you make the hard decision to live for yourself you invariably end up helping the other people in your life more than if you caved in to their wishes. By taking care of your self, you help those around you to get on with their own lives. If you put yourself in order and live your life like you should, everyone in your life, including yourself, will be much happier. " http://www.amazon.com/review/RSDOTF4WNP49LHere's the book, which I read an unbelievably large number of years ago, but it changed my life, because it came during a time of need: The Art of Selfishness by David Seabury
Ivy, the new pictures from England are beautiful. Lets enjoy these and later I will post some. Carol, I think Ivy and Chloe have said it so much better than I could. I wholeheartedly agree with them about how to take care of yourself. When we fly and they go through the safety features, they tell us that if needed - to put the oxygen masks on ourselves FIRST and then on those dependent upon us. My dad was 90 when he died and the last 3 years of his life he was alert but he became quite confused about events and his memories of recent events were really distorted sometimes. A year before his death he cut my sister out of his will because of a disagreement they had and then he would get very distraught about my sis and I spending time together without him there - he accused us of "plotting against him." I was able to convince him to reinstate my sister in his will a month or so before his death. I had moved geographically closer to him in 1999 because his 2nd wife had died and he was having frequent accidents and I was having to drive 300 miles to help care for him on a regular basis so we moved to be closer to him. Shortly after we moved he remarried. It was enjoyable being closer to him for about 2 years and then he became difficult and we had some disagreements. I found that I was feeling a lot more stressed. So, after 4 years of living closer, we moved 700 miles away. The 2 years that he lived after that were so much more pleasant between us. When he became sick and unable to care for himself a month before he died, his wife insisted John and I come and care for him. We did and then the last week of his life we were able to find a Hospice home for him. I was able to be with him before he died. Like Ivy and Chloe said, I had to take care of myself first.
Chloe,That book you linked looks like a classic...wisdom of the ages. The comments posted may be just as valuable as the book itself. One poster drew a distinction between "selfishness" and "greed." Very well said. Comment from the Amazon Books Review Page where Chloe linked her book: "My Mother and Father said it the wrong way. They told me to share and not be selfish. What they should have said is share, [and] don't be greedy. Because of the way it was put I have had a negative outlook at the word selfish....People would describe me as the kind of person that would give the shirt off my back for someone I don't even know. This book has shown me this is self destructive and hurts me and the ones I care the most about. I found out taking the shirt off my own back would only weaken me. I should just go get a shirt out of the closet, give it to them, one I don't need, not the one I was wearing. When I take the shirt off my own back, I could get cold and can get sick, then the ones I care about have to give of themselves to help me get better, and the one I gave the shirt to now needs a coat. It is good for me to give but not when it hurts me or the ones I care about."
Solar,Scrolling around Chloe's Amazon link took me to a discussion board that is active and fairly recent. I thought it might possibly intrigue you: http://www.amazon.com/tag/religion/forum/ref=cm_cd_dp_rt_tft_tp?_encoding=UTF8&cdForum=Fx417AUXOWKSRN&cdThread=Tx10GDQ6XVWUI4GHas atheism done anything positive in the world?
Chloe,I like what everyone has been saying about that book. Except the word selfish, used as a good thing....I do believe that we should take care of our selves, and keep yourself interest to the levels that are not selfish.When we are truly happy, is when we see our loved ones around us happy, and not in selfish way's....I trained my son Tom to be in Construction since he was 8 yrs old. He came up to me and told me that he was not happy doing construction, and wanted to do something else.....at that point, it was my obligation to help him be happy, so I gave him my support while he was looking to see what would make him happy....but have always looked to make sure that he was not doing it in a selfish way....not working, gambling, drinking, and partying too much...etc, etc...that kind of false happiness is very selfish, that is the selfishness that I see in Carols description of her FIL......So in making myself happy, should also make the people around me happy for me, and that should work the other way around also.!!!Carol, I have been in the position being asked by someone for help, and not being POA,...it does not work, for many reasons...if you can get it. The first thing to do, imo, is to get an estimator to give you an evaluation of what all properties that are involved are... then try to sell them....what Chloe said about having someone to live, in the house, and share it, makes a lot of sense, while U are trying to sell it.ps. get rid of that person, and the selfish Church...get an atty to help you keep their hands of the little money that he has...
Ivy,Thanks for the link. Kind of interesting..but not really informative about, being an Athiest...to be one..is not just simply a rejection of religion...it is a study of religion, and its effect on the world. The sciences of evolution, Genetics, I don't even like calling my self an atheist...thats why I didn't say it for a long time.....I could lead to just another group of people that demand that they are the in crowd......AS far as to what good Athiesim does or not do....it is the same as when very good individual people do very good things.....why can't they just say, that they helped another human being...b//c it was called for...it was/is the right thing to do....as when we help each other at times of crises...there are food banks, that churches have...they feed all types of peoples...not just the few members that they want to feed....and they do it without asking if your are and atheist, born again, evangelical, or anything else......this is synergy at work...how do see it? I would like to hear; b/c you have put a lot of thought in this subject.
To me it's not so much being selfish, but respecting a person's right to make decisions and accept responsibility for them. If a person makes bad decisions, it's not your responsibility to fix things for them. Unless you really just want to for your own personal reasons. But then you have to accept responsibility for your own decision.I've met a lot of troubled people in my life. For some reason I seem to attract them. It may seem a bit cold, but it's the only way I've learned to not be drawn into their lives and their problems.I've made my decisions, and I'm not sure what will happen to me in my old age. To me, a tundra walk is an acceptable consequence to my decisions. I can't expect other people or the government to bail me out.BTW, just to throw a monkey wrench in the works, how about "two naught ten" for the new year?
Solar,I don't have a personal position on religion or non-religion one way or another. I say to each his own. But I'm always interested in what people are saying, like a little mouse at the keyhole. Heck, I might learn something! lol
Don,From what I've read about turn-of-the-last-century culture, they used those words, "aught" and "naught" frequently. I was looking forward to "our turn" to use them last decade, but it never came around. I think there are people nowadays who'd think you were speaking Latin if you spoke thus.
Me and my stream-of-consciousness...lolliterally, Fear Nothing
Ivy,Ok, but I know that you would have something very interesting to say about it.....since you have looked at its history, and talked with that person, over on your vacation..you said that I would have liked to talk to him...thanks....im stickin to two-ten..
Ivy, I love your stream-of-consciousness --as well as everyone else's here. As a matter of fact, I've thoroughly enjoyed reading everyone's posts today and what they thought about the philosophy of 'selfishness'.When I read that book (studied it actually, ever so long ago) I saw what he was getting at, as 'sacrifice' by a person can help no one involved. That's why I think you posted the perfect comment up above Ivy, by the lady that said she'd give others the shirt off her back, but then went on to explain that there was really something else that would to them more good.Also Solar, I thought what you said about being happy by helping make those around you happy was so beautiful, so you. But you must remember that the author wasn't talking about greed. By 'art of selfishness' he was simply talking about taking care of your own needs better, and when you do that, you and everyone else around you will benefit.He wasn't saying to not do for others, but rather not to sacrifice your needs and health for others, because in the long run, it will make you weaker, as well as make them weaker.This is a hard concept to put into words, but I'm doing the best I can, and I believe very strongly in it. I think our most important job is first, to take care of ourselves, and therefore, not be a burden on others. And I believe wholeheartedly that we we do this, we will make those around us happy too. We can help others, do for others, give to others - without sacrificing what we need.
Are you here Solar?
Chlo,Yes im here, in between phones and all.....I do agree with everything that has been said....greed and selfishness are alike,,but they are different...I just don't like the word selfishness thrown around ...instead of
Here is the thing...if I can make myself happy ...the people that love me, should be happy for me.....now how do I go about making myself happy with out it Beijing selfish....First ( this is only in my case ) I forgave my self for all the crap that I have done to hurt myself...that involved understanding how I got to that point.....It was my family, and a bully of a father...I forgave them also...now I don't have that weight on my shoulder to deal with...I know what makes my son Tom happy, so I lead him towards that end...but point out, when he does things in a selfish way...which he, or any one can...if all you do, is focus on yourself....you have to know the difference, and you have to be able to do for others, what you can...without them taking advantage of you....there is a fine line in that also.....
You have a bad connotation of the word selfish, therefore the word bothers you. The way it's used in that book, is to make you realize that you have to take care of yourself, even if 'other' people call it selfish.Solar, I meant to ask you earlier if you saw this last week: A Decade of Self-Delusionby Patrick J. Buchanan "At the end of the first decade of the 21st century, the question is not whether we will preside over the creation of a New World Order, but whether America's decline is irreversible." http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=35018
Chloe,Even tho I don't like P. B at all, he sometimes makes a lot of sense...the thing about him, is I always think about what his motivation...and his motivation is always, that the Caucasian's degree of power, is slipping and not to be shared...in what he say's there are a lot of hidden messages....his sister does the same thing.......
IM getting tired of my avatar.! going to change it..
Doing for others, because you want to (because it makes you happy too), is another form of doing something for yourself... and vice versa.I love doing things for other people. But when you do for them because they are demanding that you do for them, that takes away the joy. And makes them and you weak.When you're doing for others because you 'want' to do for others, then it's a win/win situation.
Chlo,The connotation of the word selfish, doesn't bother me....the harm that-that word does is what bothers me....to say that it is ok to be selfish, to 99/% of the people that don't understand the principle of degrees that it should be done, in , or; as I think...that the author should have used a different word..a different way of saying that it is ok to satisfy your basic needs, and wants...without it getting to a harmful state...which is selfish.....IM not disagreeing with h im..just the way that he said it....selling books???
It's not whether or not I like PB, it's that in this particular article, I thought there were some good points. It could have been just as easily been written by an unknown.I know some people completely discredit things that are said by the wrong source, but if I agree with something, it doesn't usually matter who said it. It doesn't change the fact that I agree.
".IM not disagreeing with h im..just the way that he said it....selling books?"No Solar, I don't think so. That's an assumption. (I would't be so blunt, but I know I can be with you, and you'll understand - I hope).That book was written in 1936. I think the kind of people that you are afraid it will harm, would never read that book anyway. It's a self help book Solar. It's for people who sacrifice way too much, try to please other people way too much, because that's what he used to be like. Then he found out that he was not benefiting himself or anyone else. You have to listen from a different point of view sometimes.
When a baby (Emma) cries, or does something to let you know that she needs to be fed, changed, etc, and you do these things for her....she then becomes happy.....and you are too because of what you did for her......that is the principle of being happy for your self...as we grow up....we require more, and different things that make us happy....I she was to have an unhappy child hood...she could not understand why,and would-might do things, to make her/him self happy, but only temporarily....until she/he understood the reason for her unhappiness.....making sense..?? when she/he can deal with these thing.....then, and only then can she be happy...until then...she might do things to be slefish...looking for the answers....???
I always understand, and you can be as blunt as you want to...I have never liked self help books. There should be enough information as possible for people that need help....from many sources....but the most, should be from understanding your self.....you have to be able to take a look at the real you in the mirror....not easy to do for most....See U little later on....
Carol, I think what you said is your way of coping, ispositive & effective. I would be the last to know what are coping skills/mechanisms, one of the psych majors may know, but when you set up this blog, spend time here, play spider solitaire, my personal opinion only, those are all examples of a person with strength, determination & a willingness to address & try to solve problems, recognizing that sometimes the solution may not be in one's control. I do not see your time spent in any of those endeavors as avoiding problem solving or as ineffective.As far as the facts around your SF's problem,not sure what the debt is from. There is unsecured debt (credit cards, personal loans,medical bills) & secured debt (mortgage).It appears that your SF may have borrowed moneyto purchase property, & that suggests the needto re-pay a mortgage, & if he is not able todo so, the potential exists for losing the property, usually through foreclosure proceedings.You mention a nephew with POA, is he exercisingthe POA powers on behalf of your SF or is yourSF still making his own decisions (some POA'sare only used when the person is not able to make his own decisions). If the nephew is acting on your sf's behalf, then whileyou may voice your concerns, as I am sure you know, any of the decisions would have to be made by him. The particular type debt you mention, past due income taxes & property taxes, depending on the amount & the age of the debt, often determines whether the taxing authority, the town or IRS, as the case may be, does proceed with actually trying to collect the taxes. Often they do not act for a long time, if at all & it is only upon the debtor's death, if there are assets in the estate, that a claim is made & the estate becomes responsible for settling such debts before any distribution to heirs. If your SF is not happy with his nephew having a POA, he can rescind it, again if he has thecapacity at this point, and that should be done after consultation with an attorney. Andthe debt itself may be something to consult an attorney about as well, to see what remedies may be available to address some/all of the debt.
Everything you said is right. But we're actually talking about two different things. But that's ok, because I just like talking to you about anything and everything.
I've worked with children from the projects. Mothers were crack addicts and had children young, they move from place to place, where ever they can find, there's lots of violence on the streets.Yet even with these kids there are good and there are bad. I don't think everyone reacts negatively to a bad environment. Some choose to accept that challenge and rise above it. Some get angry and strike out. I've never seen any one particular case where which way the person goes could be predicted.
Chloe,Yes, we are talking about two things...more if you think about it....but its hard to keep this type of subject, concentrated on on thing...I thing that it involves quite a bit.....Coreen, Glad that you came on and said those things to Carol...I was going to but decided not too...I have been involved with friends, and family about P. O. A. always complicated...and should be handled by an atty...
"Some choose to accept that challenge and rise above it."Those that do that have figured out that is the only way to ever be 'really' happy. Overcoming a bad upbringing is a life long struggle. But the alternative is to never be happy.
As far as 2010, it is two thousand ten.
"but its hard to keep this type of subject, concentrated on on thing"... I told you I'm enjoying it all. You know I have a hard head.
Solar,I don't like to interfere, especially since I am not familiar with the particular facts orthe laws of Louisiana as they apply to thevarious facts that Carol mentioned.And in case you think I forget...again'snap out of it'.
"I've never seen any one particular case where which way the person goes could be predicted."Exactly.!! I have take 3 people of drugs...they had to work hard at it...but the very first step was and always is....understanding your self...this way...you don't blame your problems on the rest of the world.....now I am gone for a little bit...
And as far as 'self help' books....not a fan.
When we're having conversations here, I tend to break down things into very small segments for some reason. But usually, I look at things in an overview sort of way, and take it all in.I think of this place as group therapy, and I agree with all the things that Coreen said about Carol. I see her the same way too Coreen. She's such a bright, funny, interesting and articulate person, that looks at her problems head on.
Coreen,Do you say one thousand seven hundred seventy six or seventeen seventy six?If you say seventeen, why wouldn't you say twenty?
I didn't live 1776.....And as far as I remember, during the 2000's, eachyear was called two thousand, one, two, etc...not 20,0, 20,1, 20,2, etc.
Did you say one thousand nine hundred ninety nine, or nineteen ninety nine?
Don, And yes in the nineteens I said nineteen, but again that was the general way those years wererefered to, not so with the beginning of the two thousands...What did you call the decade of the two thousands.
By the way, are we regularly changing our'avatars'? is that the correct title for ourpics...If so, I like the different looks fromeveryone.
Coreen, Did you take that pic your using now. (I really like calling them picture's rather than avatars). It's really beautiful. Looks like you both have a nice camera and use it well.
I did a Christmas and post Christmas avatar. The one I'm showing now was taken near Key West. I would think that as a New Englander you would want the faster way Coreen. Nor'easters are famous for clipping and saying things fast. Used to drive us crazy when we were trying to understand voice vs. background noise.I don't think you can create a millennial policy from a ten year custom.I wonder what olde english texts say. Looks like thousand was in use by 1010
Just to throw in my worthless opinion, I like twenty ten, because I like abbreviating everything. At the beginning of the 2000s, I didn't even say '08, '09 etc., I just said 8 or 9.
Chloe, That is an yellow orchid plant that bloomed in December. I buy orchid plants & sometimes theycome back, sometimes not. As you know, I really like flowers.....I don't like just green plants that do not give a flower.I am envious of the fact that I can not growa gardenia, I know they grow 'wild' in Florida& Carol showed us a pic of one in her area, butno matter how I try, the bud drops off.Do gardenias grow in Texas too.
That Key West picture is really nice too Don.I've been meaning to tell you that when I mentioned California for work the other day, it was because I misread the comment you made. When you said you like the west coast, for some reason I missed the context of how you were saying it, and didn't realize you meant the west coast of Florida, until I went back and reread it. I miss things sometimes. Actually, more like quite often. That's what happens when I'm constantly in a hurry. It's my nature.
But Don, I am not really a New Englander, we in So. CT are more like a suburb of New York & I am sticking with two thousand ten.Did you say how you refered to the first decadeof the two thousands...
Yes Coreen, I know what you mean. You're always better off sticking with what grows naturally in your local area.Have you ever thought of building a small green house? Not that I know if that would help much or not, because I don't have one. And you know a lot more about flowers than I do. I do love getting potted plants/flowers as opposed to cut flowers though. Another little idiosyncrasy of my many.
You know Coreen, I think it's important for you to say 2010 since you're an attorney. I imagine an attorney needs to be extremely precise. Twenty ten is more like slang, imo. That's why it works for me.
.. oops, when I said 2010, I meant 2 thousand ten
If you start listening to the media talkers,they don't know how to refer to the year either, almost in the same paragraph they will say both two thousand ten & 2010.
Thanks for all your thoughts, ideas and empathy. Most of all, thanks for telling me that I'm not being selfish.
Chloe,Forgot to say I had read Pat B's column too,it was linked at my Lynn Samuel's page. Andtruth be told, I can't say I can disagree withhis assessment of where we are today.Sadly, don't know the answer to his lastquestion.
I think that Chlo's idea of having someone move in with him...is an excellent one..it will also buy U the time that U need or the poa needs to organize things....you should ask him what he has been doing with that power..or not doing.....by the way...that is an excellent idea for your house also...until you make up your mind..........
I heard somewhere on TV that it is suppose to be twenty ten. Now I don't know where I heard it or who was the authority.
My SF tried to make me his POA but I said no way, I can't even take care of my own business. But the nephew who has it lives 3 hours from here. That's not helpful. I just don't want his assets lost to debt or to some yahoo. Chloe, are you ready for the deep freeze. I have on longjohns, one snowflake, and warm ups, and three shirts. I'm warm enough now. Dipping to only, I don't say that lightly, 27 or so tonight but they are threatening single digits later this week. Now that will be a crisis here.
I would think that your problem would be just the opposite Carol. Nurses are automatic caretakers, it probably takes a swift kick to get you to stop and take care of yourself.You lawyers and your precedent Coreen. Just because we said it for ten years doesn't mean we have to say if that way for the next 990. In fact, I think I'll switch back and forth just to annoy both sides. :^)I have terrible luck with orchids. I don't spray and water often enough. The roots dry out, then I over water to compensate and I get root rot.I have pretty good luck with violets. I usually have strong sun spectrum fluorescents around, and they love that.
Carol,Would you consider being a joint attorney-in-fact, that is, both you & your sf's nephew canact, either jointly or either/or. That wouldbe if Louisiana law permits more than one person to act as attorney-in-fact. Just a thought that would allow you to act ifnecessary.
Carol, In the way we generally think of the word "selfish" I am here to tell you that you are one of the most "unselfish" people I have known. You are exceptionally thoughtful of others. Your stepfather is so lucky to have you in his life.
"In fact, I think I'll switch back and forth just to annoy both sides."Not that's using the fine art of compromise...I like it...but I am sticking with two thousand ten.....maybe if we make it to 2525I'll change....
Should have read "now" not "not....sorry too fast on the button.
The magazine in the airplane had the results of a survey and this is the way I remember (if you guys will accept the memory of a 68 year old woman)29% twenty-ten69% two thousand ten2% no opinion
Hi Jan, glad your are back & that you had a fun vacation...will be looking forward to any pics you may want to share, & still hoping to seethose watermelon mountains.....
Carol, I am basing that assessment of you on 10 years of a lot of time we spent together.
Coreen, it is always good to get home - although if given a choice I would choose to be back - riding around in that little taxi that looked more like a golf cart - in Mazatlan - hearing, seeing and smelling that wonderful Pacific ocean.
"In the year 2525, If man is still alive, If woman can survive, They may find..."Hmmm, does that mean the song set precedent?I read what you mean, not what you say.Chloe, I was wondering how California came into it, but 65% of the jobs probably are in California. I keep getting calls for Zappos in Las Wage$,NV too. I seem to have fallen into it though, my specialty is really taking off right now. Which may be the only right decision I made over the last decade.Another interesting thing, it looks like a lot of software development is coming back to the US. Sending projects overseas for customers here in the US isn't working out all that great. Now if more college students would take computer courses.
Mary, I just want to respond to a previous comment you made somewhere back in another post when you talked about 2009 being a difficult year for you. I sure hope 2010 is a better year for you too. At the end of one year and beginning of the next, I go back and look at journals/diaries I have written and years that ended in 9 were usually difficult years - at least years of transition for me. I am trying now to phrase it to myself as "years of transition" rather than difficulty.One of the nicest parts of 2009 for me was this blog and reconnecting with you.
Coreen, I don't know if gardenia's grow in Texas or not but we had 2 gardenia bushes in Little Rock, Ar. They grew very well there. Texas is not that far from LR. Little Rock is very humid - but gets pretty cold in winter - it freezes some - but warms up most days. We had lots of rain in LR.
Ok, you want precedent, I give you "Two Thousand One A Space Odyssey"
Interesting, I always thought of Connecticut as New England too. I need to study more geography in the old U.S. of A.
Coreen, I bet within a couple of months most of us will be saying twenty ten -simply b/c its simpler to say.
Hey Chloe, Pull up a chair..the Cher and Sonny show is getting good ( Don, and Coreen) Don is even signing off key like Sonny......
Funny, the film beats the song by 1 year.Wiki says CT is New England.We have lots of gardenias in NC. Though the azaleas are probably more famous.
Jan, CT is part of New England geographically, however, southern CT in particular, is much more aligned with the New York City area, Long Island, Westchester County interests, rather than Mass., NH, Vermont.Just as upstate New York State has very littlein common with the New York City surroundings.
The movie rules...Concede????
U can't give into the pinks Don...don't give, or they will treat u like they do me.....they just drag me around all over the swamp...
Yes gardenias will grow anywhere around these parts, Texas included. I have several here and at my house. I just love their smell. My favorite fragrance. Like you said once before Coreen, can't duplicate that scent. I do have my SF's health care POA or whatever you call it. I do take care of him when he injures himself but I do whine. His timing is usually horrible but knock on wood, it's been a few months now. Jan, I'm not the super woman I used to be. When I taught, I had more time off even when I did all that moonlighting and going to school. And I was younger. And I was hyperthyroid. And only had one place to take care of. And had help. Maggie won't lift a paw to help out.
No, because the movie only covers the first decade, and we're talking about the second decade on.It's funny how tv has changed how a lot of words are pronounced because of speed.Now they're trying to replace fewer with lesser, and it drives me crazy. Like "there are lesser people in Denver than in New York".I spent some time in Stamford, CT and the guys I was working with kept trying to convince me it was a remote part of Little Italy, with mafioso everywhere.Of course, they were Italian and I was working in the police control center, so maybe they knew something.There used to be a little diner there that had kind of a loose hamburger. The meat was loose like a sloppy joe, but with less sauce and really fine pieces. Can't remember what it was called but it was delicious. Sounds familiar Coreen?
But you admit to having been properly trained Solar. I've never been broken. :^)
Don, if I could get your email, I could send you an invite.
Didn't we just go through this? Solar, are you napping again?
Don't let Coreen fool U. She is sweet as anything, but she will take a bite otta U...no problema...Go, get him Coreen, he can't push U around like that....we won' t stand for it.....
Carol, I will re-send Don's email again...both of them...let me know when you get them...
When I get them Don, I will email you and you can tell me which one to send the invite to.
Carol,I tried twice to mail you Don's email...both times failed....I sent them to Coreen, for her to forward to you.....
No way, fagedaboudit!.."No, because the movie only covers the first decade, and we're talking about the second decade on."What about the movie sequel "2010, the year we make contact" Didn't call it twenty10, the year we make contact, did they?And you may want to check with Solar about references to Italians, CT & yours truly....
Carol,Send it to both of them...that way he can't accuse you of "napping" HA.!
My email must be working. I have lots of other emails.
"No way, fagedaboudit!.."Oh, oH, she is talking I---talian....now U gonna get it Willis...
I always called it twenty ten, not sure what they say in the announcements. No real scifi buff took it seriously.Besides, I know 2010 came out after 2525.I'm wondering if that photo of 5 people I saw on what I thought was really you and your site.I was from Los Angeles, where we locked everything. I'd start to lock car doors, and the guys would tell me not to worry about it, the protection was paid up to date.We really did go down to an Italian neighborhood in the Bronx. The police and fire chiefs took the mayor down to lobby. We went to a family style restaurant, which was fantastic. I ended up riding back in the limo drinking whisky with the Irish cop that had pulled his gun on me when he got mad.
Ok, just sent Don's emails to Carol....
Got them Coreen and sent Don an email.
Not a good enough explanation, the movie wasa sequel to the first, so it pre-empts the song....trust me they didn't calll it twentyten......Are you refering to my website, Don. If so,none of the pics are me, just shutterstockpics we sprinkled throughout to visually enhance the text....As far as Stamford, again there are a lot ofItalians in So. CT & there is a sectin of Stamford, south of I95, that still has somegood Italian restaurants, depending on how long ago you were there, that could have beena 'mini-little italy'....New Haven also has one street left with Italianrestuarants...Wooster Street...And growing up, I hung out with a few, well let's just say Soprano types, most of whom areno longer alive...& I am half Italian, raised by the Italian side
In the Bronx, it is Arthur Ave., not too farfrom Yankee Stadium...
I put in the invite Don. Even if you are not ready to post, do accept it and it will list you in the contributors.
Carol,The POA I was suggesting that you hold jointlyand/or severally with your SF's nephew was todo all things, not just health care decisions,the thought being then you would have someinput into financial decisions that you may beconcerned about. Just a thought.
Coreen, aren't those POA only used if and when my SF can't make his own financial decisions. His nephew should not be able to do anything against my SF's will??
Carol,I have a worker, that his sister ; was the poa, and thier father had a house and about 400k she was painting the house, while the father lived with my worker for a few wks...when he passed...she sold the house, kept all of the bank books, and kept the all of the money in them...they haven't talked in 12 years.....the sister wants forgiveness, but doesn't have any money left....a joint oa, is what I kept telling him to do......
A sequel preempts an original work? Oh, puhlease. A pretty cheesy sequel at that.It was the mid 90s. I spent most of the time working and it was winter. They'd just installed a new carpet and hadn't put in any static protection. Killed the program chips every time they took them out of the carrier to replace them. They switched over to the bad backup right in the middle of a foot chase one time, causing the problems. We were only a coupe of blocks away from a gate for the zoo. It was funny, they just parked the limos in the middle of the street.Seemed like an entirely different world to a western kid. I couldn't tell if they were having fun with me or were serious, but they never locked their car doors.
Got it Carol, thanks.
Carol,I will try to find a little about LA laws,but once a person gives another a POA, that person then has the legal right to act on behalf of the person who gave it, it isnot limited to only when the person is incapable of making decisions. However, it does not have to be used while a person is doing his own things, but it would be legal to do so. Here most people who execute a POA are anticipating that there maycome a time that they may not be able to act,& they want to take precautions, but legally,the POA is valid upon signing. This may notbe the case in LA, I will see if I can find anything about your state. Generally, the POA also includes a clause sometimes referred to as a durable POAthat insures that the POA does survive the disability of the signer.
Coreen, I think the POAs here end with death.
No, No...."A sequel preempts an original work? Oh, puhlease"A sequel follows the original, it didn't preempt it, in this case, 2001, followed by 2010. You compared the movie 2010 to the song 2525, not that it followed in the footstepsof its original companion movie 2001....And beside you said the movie 2001 only covered the first decade, so applying the same logic, two thousand ten, would then apply to the second decade..
I don't know this nephew but I think he is on the up and up. Actually he has both lent my SF some money and paid some of his bills. He hasn't been paid back. I would rather not deal with any of the business stuff just don't want him to get scammed.
Don is official now. Do you see him on the list?
Yes, Carol, POA's are extinquished on death.That is when either an executor takes over,if there is a valid will, or the probate courtappoints an administrator to gather the estate's assets, process it through to distribution. Other states may call it a Chancery Cout, not sure, in CT we call it Probate Court.
Yes, Don is officially on the list on my screen
Obviously the writers of the sequel just weren't paying attention and got it wrong.Mind if I put in a copyright in the footer Carol? I occasionally sell my images.
Are you talking about your pics Don? That's OK with me. Wait, let me check with our attorney. Is that OK Coreen?
Don is the expert on all things computer, so if he feels more comfortable with a copyrightdisclaimer, seems fine to me.Maybe he'll even share some of his wisdomabout these things.
But as far as two thousand ten....well, its still two thousand ten for me.
You know, I'm not going to know the difference in what you right here.I thought I had access to the template and was going to add a general notice to the site. If it's copyrighted you can at least complain to hosting companies if someone copies your content, and they do that a lot. My images are usually watermarked as well as copyrighted. I've sold an image for as much as $500. Not fantastic, but I like those. If there's no copyright I have no right to complain.
So, which is it?
witch is watt?
2010, 20-10. 2-10???
I think it'll end up being twenty ten for the same reason that we use VHS instead of Betamax. That's what the porn industry will use. :^)
Got it. I already made my first correspondence mistake..wrote 2009.... was reading last Months Discover magazine, very good articles on Stem Cells, and the Neanderthals, so far....
Catch U later...Oh thanks for the info about the Saturn....I have been alway's curious about them..they seemed very reasonable, and had a lot going for them...
"The movie rules...Concede????"Coreen, I am LOL. I'll bet you are a damn good attorney.
Just have to throw a little monkey wrench in here. See y'all tomorrow.2010: 'Twenty ten' vs. 'two thousand ten'Coming off of "two thousand nine," you'll probably say "two thousand ten." In fact, 4 out of 5 YouTube videos randomly reviewed by The Chronicle have people pronouncing it that way.But you would be wrong, so wrong, according to the National Association of Good Grammar."NAGG has decided to step in and decree that (2010) should officially be pronounced 'twenty ten,' and all subsequent years should be pronounced as 'twenty eleven,' 'twenty twelve,' etc.," proclaims the association's news release.The National Association of Good Grammar - essentially a guy named Tom Torriglia and some friends who also paid attention in English class - say people have been mispronouncing the year for 10 years.The "20" should have been pronounced "twenty" all along, he said, pointing out that every year in the 20th century was pronounced "nineteen something."" 'Twenty' follows 'nineteen.' 'Two thousand' does not follow 'nineteen.' It's logical."http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/01/01/MN621BB41U.DTL
My images are sometimes water marked also Don. It all depends on whether I set my coke glass down on one.
Chloe, What does the NO mean on the pic with up in followers?
Jan, that is chloe being a 2 year old.
I got busy, and then my Monday gals are meeting up again, so I am not caught up. But I mentioned Chloe's book and one them may have it on her bookshelf! She's going to check for me. That would be great because it's out-of-print.
That must be hard on your digital camera Carol. lolI thought 'NO' meant n'orleans
I was kiddin but I do seem to remember that it came up when Chloe and Solar were having a NO feast.
or was that No fest. Whatever.
Pardon me fellow bloggers but I have to brag a little. I got a new phone and am now texting. John says if I am texting then he must be "co-texting" - he thinks he is so funny.
Don, on the followers grouping, are you the one with the car as avatar.
Congrats on the texting thing jan. Just remember, friends don't let friends text and drive.Nope, not I. I got frustrated and took my image down when I couldn't change the image.
One of my nurses gave me a lumberjack hat with genuine fake fur on the inside. Kinda like the one little Em had on in that pic Chloe put up of her. Boy is it warm for walking the dog. And it makes a certain fashion statement, like, I hope no one sees me in it.
Carol, trying to picture you with a hat with fur - fake or not - just can't do it :))
Don, not a problem. I can hardly drive - and drive. I don't even answer my cell phone if it rings when I drive.
Me too. All this technology has worn me out.
Maggie was even laughing at me but I felt warm all over.
Very thoughtful and thought-provoking commentary today.
Before we leave the topic of selfishness, consider the ethical philosophy of Enlightened Self Interest. In a nutshell, doing for onesself in an ethical manner produces benefits for the greater good. Enlightened Self Interest
...and vice versa. lol
There were many things discussed yesterday that could each fill up a New Post.
...and it's almost time to choose one.
"consider the ethical philosophy of Enlightened Self Interest. In a nutshell, doing for onesself in an ethical manner produces benefits for the greater good."Ivy, I really love that expression you used "Enlightened Self Interest" (haven't gone to the link yet, but will). Maybe if we called it that, instead of 'Selfishness', discussing it would be less controversial. I enjoyed the conversation too Ivy. Very thought provoking, as you said.
"Chloe, What does the NO mean on the pic with up in followers?" Jan, Congratulations on the new phone and on becoming a 'texter'. A sign of the times.Regarding the question above: Solar and I were kidding around a while back, having a kinda NO fest (like Carol said :), so I jokingly put that NO up there, then just never took it back down."Jan, that is chloe being a 2 year old."Ha! Carol, You're right!. I do often have some of the characteristics of a two year old (for instance, NO is their favorite word). I guess, also, since I spend most of my time around a one year old, it's not surprising. She's stubborn like me too, so we have a lot in common already.ps (Would love to see a pic of you in that lumberjack hat. I love hats, but rarely wear them)
Joe linked this over at Facebook, and I read it again. I think I, or someone else (ha, can't remember, which is what the article is about) may have linked it when it first came out, because I saw it then too, and found it interesting. Also, they consider middle age now (according to the article, as going into the 60's -- so the article is even more relevant to a wider range of people).Adult Learning | Neuroscience: How to Train the Aging Brain "Many longheld views, including the one that 40 percent of brain cells are lost, have been overturned. What is stuffed into your head may not have vanished but has simply been squirreled away in the folds of your neurons.The brain, as it traverses middle age, gets better at recognizing the central idea, the big picture. If kept in good shape, the brain can continue to build pathways that help its owner recognize patterns and, as a consequence, see significance and even solutions much faster than a young person can.The trick is finding ways to keep brain connections in good condition and to grow more of them. “As adults we have these well-trodden paths in our synapses,” Dr. Taylor says. “We have to crack the cognitive egg and scramble it up. And if you learn something this way, when you think of it again you’ll have an overlay of complexity you didn’t have before — and help your brain keep developing as well.”"How to Train the Aging Brain
"In contrast to enlightened self-interest is simple greed or the concept of "unenlightened self-interest"Very interesting explanation Ivy!'Enlightened' is the key word there, and helps tremendously in trying to talk about the concept.You know Ivy, I think the reason I feel so strongly about the subject is because I think we all have a 'moral obligation' to take care of ourselves and to treat ourselves well. But that takes 'enlightenment', in order to not use that obligation in the wrong way. I also 'feel' that when we hurt another person, we hurt ourselves also. The other side of that is that when we do something to help another person, we're helping our self too. I have no doubt at all about this. If we're incapable of being kind to ourselves, then we are incapable of being truly kind to others.
Jan, Can't wait to see some of your pics and hear a little more about your trip (and your phone :).
As someone once pointed out. The golden rule of loving others as we love ourselves doesn't mean much if we don't love ourselves.
... love the way you put that Don.All those words I used, and you found a way to say it with one sentence.
You put things more personally Chloe. That's your charm.
First person to write something is the old maid. Whoops, I'm it. Remember that game we used to play when we were kids. I think I lost too many times.
Speaking of the aging brain, I've been trying to play my little Nintindo game boy, the spider solitaire just wasn't doing it for me anymore, and my hand eye coordination is really lacking. I really am seeing the signs of aging.
"I think I lost too many times."LOL Carol!!
"I really am seeing the signs of aging."Me too Carol.
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