Carol, So glad to see you back. I loved Julie & Julia. After seeing the movie, I went out and bought Julia's biography she wrote with her nephew -"My Life in France" It was a good book. I also saved some of her cooking shows from the educ channel and it was more fun to watch her after seeing the movie.
We are flying out of Alb at around 2 pm tomorrow (Christmas Day) and spend one night in L.A. and get on the boat about noon the next day.
We were busy getting Christmas gifts to our kids and grandkids yesterday and doing all the things you have to do before a trip. We are boarding Lobie. We took her yesterday. It was sad. John and I miss her so much.
I am officially a great-grandmother. My grandson and his wife had a baby boy at 5 am this morning in Fort Collins, CO. Mom and baby are doing great.
Coreen, Thank you for your well wishes. A Merry Christmas to you and have a wonderful dinner tonight. Your trees and fireplace are beautiful. Since we did not put up a tree or decorate this Christmas, I have enjoyed your trees and decorations and beautiful scenery and birds.
Thanks for the hard work you have been doing, to make us all share in your decorations, and all of your Christmas cheer, for the last weeks. Have a wonderful Christmas.
Chloe, I too am a worry-wart. I know you and I were each in our homes wondering "where is she? Did one of the inmates grab her? Did she have an accident? And what do we find out - she was watching a movie at home. Nevertheless - all is well.
"yes, the tree is up. 'Very' basic, but Emma loves it. She wants to climb it." I can just see Emma trying to get close and climb the tree. I look forward to your picture bucket, especially pictures of Emma.
Carol, I love Red Box. That is where I rent my movies too. It fast, cheap and I have 3 of them within a mile from my house - 2 at our grocery and one at the drug store.
Thanks for the swamp, and for you. Thanks for bringing Mary to get to know us all, and for us to get to know her as well....when are you going to bring in that male nurse..or whatever? Have a very nice Christmas, both of you.
Ivy, hoping that you and your husband will enjoy the Holiday's as much as possible.
Chloe, Im wishing you and M the best Christmas that is possible..thanks for being you, and for everything that you do to make things so much here.....
Ivy, You must be busy. Would like to hear from you if you have time.
Don, How interesting that the antique store forgot to put the gift in the box before mailing - more interesting is that the recipient is not a favorite person of yours. If I ever get a chia pet as a gift I will think of you :))) LOL
"Chloe, even my brain surgeon says male brains are simpler. We just need to kill big animals and breed. The women do the rest.
I'm ok with that. It means chocolate is just another snack food and two guys can ride together for an hour without saying anything and neither worrying what's wrong."
U can say that again....
Don, Have a nice Christmas pal.!
Tony, Rez, if you are looking in have a great Christmas...U too R.R Fair,and any Tm'er that lurks..
Carol, I am going to Ditto what Solar said above - Thank you for the gift of the Swamp, the chance to get connected with you and Mary again and an opportunity to get to know some other great people here too.
Hi Jan, Congratulations. Antique dealer didn't forget. That's why I was being so nice to them. They delivered the gifts to Fed-Ex to ship. The guy at Fed-Ex confirms he get them.
So Fed-Ex's fault, not the dealers. I'll mention the dealer later, so things don't get confused. They're absolutely wonderful to work with.
I'm not quite as mean as I sound, I had sent two gifts and only one arrived. I still might send the chia pet though, just to make mischief. I haven't seen my sister-in-law in 14 years. Funny how families can be.
Great photos Coreen. Many beeuutiful trees this year.
I'm glad to hear you are all enjoying all of your extended families. Have a wonderful Christmas one and all.
about that chia pet....who might it be, I know there's a cat, and I think there are some new ones....Good thing your sil is not one of your favorites...
Carol, Regarding Christmas gifts for our pups, like all Jewish dogs, they are conflicted about Christmas...they must chew on the proverbial question, "to bone or not to bone?" I was hoping to find some guidance on the matter in one of the books in my library, but I seem to have misplaced it. I don't have a good cataloguing system; it's all a hodge-podge.
But they are also quite Scottish, so they will go with the prevailing holiday spirit. However, I think I busted the Santa myth by accident. They saw me remove a bag of doggie Christmas treats from the grocery sack to the cupboard. Not fooling anyone, they said.
"Scottie dogs say, "Arooo! Merry Christmas to you!"
Congratulations to the "Jan Family" on the timely arrival of a Christmas package! I wish I was in Fort Collins for Christmas myself. I hope they didn't have to push through snow or skate over ice to make it to the hospital on time.
Coreen, You holiday decorations are fan-tabulous! Thanks for inviting us!
Enjoy your Feast of the Seven Fishes. I never heard of it until I had a co-worker whose parents immigrated from Sicily. The first year, I unknowingly asked her if her family had lasagna on Christmas Eve. First, she laughed at me, and then I learned about the Seven Fishes.
Coreen, I've got the Elephant with the Chia Pet alarm clock bonus. I want to get Kung Fu Panda
I think the worst thing about the separation is my nephew has never had the opportunity to see the well developed sense of humor from our side of the family. I've just started sending messages to him on FB, and he doesn't get any of my jokes. A good sense of humour seems very important to me.
Ivy, would I be out of line if I ask about a Bark Mitzvah for your dog?
I'm not sure about Ft. Collins for Christmas though. A friend in Loveland said she just bought some crampons for her shoes because people keep slipping on ice. Well, they're not true crampons, but they're like mini-crampons and uncivilized for tile floors.
So Carol, ever change your mind on the Walkman? It could be like a belated Christmas gift. Or are you all done with the tapes?
Afternoon folkes. Coreen thanks again for sharing your beautiful Christmas pics. And Jan, congrats on your wonderful Christmas Eve gift of a new grandbaby boy.
Mary and I went to the mall today. It wasn't too bad early but it rapidly got that way. I tried to comment on Iphony from the mall parking lot. I struggled to write my comment but when I tried to post it, I wasn't signed in so I lost it.
Ivy, do you think your pups really care one way or another. I think they will opt for whatever gets them the puppy treats. Don't judge them too harshly for that.
Don, Part of my family, including my mom, moved to Fort Collins, so it's one of those obligatory trips regardless of the weather. We will be going out there in about a week. Actually, Fort Collins weather is generally better than the usual conditions in Castle Rock where we also have to go. Fort Collins is about 4,000 ft elevation while Castle Rock is about 6,000 ft. You wouldn't think 2,000 ft would make that much of a difference, but it does.
Carol, I couldn't judge the pups for doing what pups do. I figure their "issues" are the same as mine anyway. The apple may fall far from the tree, but it's all the same orchard. lol.
Ivy. Just teasing. But that's why the area around Ft. Collins is called the banana belt, the warmest part of the state. Seems like I-25 is always getting closed around Castle Rock. There and Raton Pass.
My friend had a friend slip and break a wrist catching herself. These are what she bought and she loves them.
I was up there Carol, but no matter what I did it wouldn't let me change my photo, and I wanted something more wintry. The other photo was the cypress in Monterey, CA. I get really grouchy when I run across badly written software.
Don, I will have to get a pair of those thing-a-ma-bobs for my Castle Rock s-i-l. She fell and broke her wrist in her own driveway...it is a slip-and-slide.
There was one terrible winter in the northeast when we had one ice storm after another from December to March. Our driveway was a steep downward trajectory into a busy residential street. The only way to get my mail was to sit on my butt and slide down the front yard. Sliding "off the rails" is a terrible out-of-control sensation.
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse. A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House, were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams. Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.) Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance. At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus. Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named Rudolph may have been involved.) The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney. Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations. Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination. However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
It was the night before Christmas, when all through the abode Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode. The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds, While visions of Nintendo and Barbie, flipped through their heads. The dad was snoring in front of the TV, With a half-constructed bicycle on his knee. So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter, Which made her sigh, "Now what's the matter?"
With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand, She descended the stairs, and saw the old man. He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug. "Oh great," muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug."
"Ho-ho-ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake." "Your gift was especially difficult to make." "Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone." "Exactly!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."
"A clone?" she asked, "What good is that? Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit-chat." The mother's twin. Same hair, same eyes, Same double chin.
"She'll cook, she'll dust," She'll mop every mess. You'll relax, take it easy, Watch The Young & the Restless." "Fantastic!" the mom cheered. "My dream come true! "I'll shop. I'll read., I'll sleep a whole night through! "
From the room above, the youngest began to fret. "Mommy?! I scared... and I am wet." The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart." "Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part."
The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune, as she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon. "You the best mommy ever. " I really love you." The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too."
The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal. " That's my child's love, she's trying to steal." Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear, " Only one loving mother, is needed here."
The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed. "Thank you, Santa, for clearing my head. I sometimes forget, it won't be very long, When they'll be too old, for my cradle-song."
The clock on the mantle began to chime. Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time." With the clone by his side Santa said, "Goodnight. Merry Christmas, Mom, You'll be all right."
'Twas the night before Christmas, in Texas, you know. Way out on the prairie, without any snow. Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue, A dreamin' of Christmas, like me and you. Not stockings, but boots, at the foot of their bed, For this was Texas, what more need be said, When all of a sudden, from out of the still night, There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright. And I saw 'cross the prairie, like a shot from a gun, A loaded up buckboard, come on at a run, The driver was "Geein" and "Hawin", with a will, The horses (not reindeer) he drove with such skill. "Come on there Buck, Poncho, & Prince, to the right, There'll be plenty of travelin' for you all tonight." The driver in Levi's and a shirt that was red, Had a ten-gallon Stetson on top of his head. As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight, With his beard and moustache, so curly and white. As he burst in the cabin, the children awoke, And were so astonished, that neither one spoke. And he filled up their boots with such presents galore, That neither could think of a single thing more. When Buddy recovered the use of his jaws, He asked in a whisper, "Are you really Santa Claus?" "Am I the real Santa? Well, what do you think?" And he smiled as he gave a mysterious wink. Then he leaped in his buckboard, and called back in his drawl, "To all the children in Texas, Merry Christmas, You-all"
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips Were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Ma in her girdle and I in chin straps Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps. When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash, Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash. The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow Sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wandering eyes should appear A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I’d wind up sick.
The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear; On Pritikin, on Atkins, on South Beach, on TOPS A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
From the top of the scales to the top of the hall Now dash away pounds now dash away all. Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress My clothes were all bulging from too much excess.
My droll little mouth and my round little belly, They shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly. I spoke not a word but went straight to my work Ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger beside my heartburn Gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned. I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry– If temptation’s removed I’ll get thin by and by.
And I mumbled again as I turned for the night In the morning I’ll starve… ’til I take that first bite!
Christmas Eve is here and to everyone, wishes for a Merry Christmas.
40 comments:
Needed to take a break so I thought I would
add a new post to wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday.
Jan,
Merry Christmas and enjoy your cruise.
Carol, So glad to see you back. I loved Julie & Julia. After seeing the movie, I went out and bought Julia's biography she wrote with her nephew -"My Life in France" It was a good book. I also saved some of her cooking shows from the educ channel and it was more fun to watch her after seeing the movie.
We are flying out of Alb at around 2 pm tomorrow (Christmas Day) and spend one night in L.A. and get on the boat about noon the next day.
We were busy getting Christmas gifts to our kids and grandkids yesterday and doing all the things you have to do before a trip. We are boarding Lobie. We took her yesterday. It was sad. John and I miss her so much.
I am officially a great-grandmother. My grandson and his wife had a baby boy at 5 am this morning in Fort Collins, CO. Mom and baby are doing great.
Coreen, Thank you for your well wishes. A Merry Christmas to you and have a wonderful dinner tonight. Your trees and fireplace are beautiful. Since we did not put up a tree or decorate this Christmas, I have enjoyed your trees and decorations and beautiful scenery and birds.
Coreen,
Thanks for the hard work you have been doing, to make us all share in your decorations, and all of your Christmas cheer, for the last weeks. Have a wonderful Christmas.
Jan,
Congratulations, on the new great-kid. Have a fun, and safe vacation.!!
Chloe, I too am a worry-wart. I know you and I were each in our homes wondering "where is she? Did one of the inmates grab her? Did she have an accident? And what do we find out - she was watching a movie at home. Nevertheless - all is well.
"yes, the tree is up. 'Very' basic, but Emma loves it. She wants to climb it." I can just see Emma trying to get close and climb the tree. I look forward to your picture bucket, especially pictures of Emma.
Hi Solar, its fun to be on here the same time you are. That is rare for me.
Thank you for your contrats on our new baby and also for your well wishes too.
Do you have family or friends you are spending time with these next few days?
Carol, I love Red Box. That is where I rent my movies too. It fast, cheap and I have 3 of them within a mile from my house - 2 at our grocery and one at the drug store.
Carol,
Thanks for the swamp, and for you. Thanks for bringing Mary to get to know us all, and for us to get to know her as well....when are you going to bring in that male nurse..or whatever? Have a very nice Christmas, both of you.
Ivy, hoping that you and your husband will enjoy the Holiday's as much as possible.
Chloe, Im wishing you and M the best Christmas that is possible..thanks for being you, and for everything that you do to make things so much here.....
Ivy, You must be busy. Would like to hear from you if you have time.
Don, How interesting that the antique store forgot to put the gift in the box before mailing - more interesting is that the recipient is not a favorite person of yours. If I ever get a chia pet as a gift I will think of you :))) LOL
Don,
"Chloe, even my brain surgeon says male brains are simpler. We just need to kill big animals and breed. The women do the rest.
I'm ok with that. It means chocolate is just another snack food and two guys can ride together for an hour without saying anything and neither worrying what's wrong."
U can say that again....
Don, Have a nice Christmas pal.!
Tony, Rez, if you are looking in have a great Christmas...U too R.R Fair,and any Tm'er that lurks..
Mary, I hope you are having a good Christmas.
Carol, I am going to Ditto what Solar said above - Thank you for the gift of the Swamp, the chance to get connected with you and Mary again and an opportunity to get to know some other great people here too.
Hi Jan, Congratulations.
Antique dealer didn't forget. That's why I was being so nice to them. They delivered the gifts to Fed-Ex to ship. The guy at Fed-Ex confirms he get them.
So Fed-Ex's fault, not the dealers. I'll mention the dealer later, so things don't get confused. They're absolutely wonderful to work with.
I'm not quite as mean as I sound, I had sent two gifts and only one arrived. I still might send the chia pet though, just to make mischief. I haven't seen my sister-in-law in 14 years. Funny how families can be.
Great photos Coreen. Many beeuutiful trees this year.
I'm glad to hear you are all enjoying all of your extended families. Have a wonderful Christmas one and all.
Jan, congratulations with the arrival of a
great grandson... and again you & John enjoy
the cruise.
Don,
about that chia pet....who might it be, I know
there's a cat, and I think there are some new
ones....Good thing your sil is not one of your
favorites...
Hope you are enjoying the holiday too.
Solar,
Add me to your sentiments above. You guys
are a true treasure and we have Carol to thank
for creating this place.
Merry Christmas Y'all! Yes, it's been more hectic than usual.
Carol,
Regarding Christmas gifts for our pups, like all Jewish dogs, they are conflicted about Christmas...they must chew on the proverbial question, "to bone or not to bone?" I was hoping to find some guidance on the matter in one of the books in my library, but I seem to have misplaced it. I don't have a good cataloguing system; it's all a hodge-podge.
How to Rais a Jewish Dog
But they are also quite Scottish, so they will go with the prevailing holiday spirit. However, I think I busted the Santa myth by accident. They saw me remove a bag of doggie Christmas treats from the grocery sack to the cupboard. Not fooling anyone, they said.
"Scottie dogs say, "Arooo! Merry Christmas to you!"
Congratulations to the "Jan Family" on the timely arrival of a Christmas package! I wish I was in Fort Collins for Christmas myself. I hope they didn't have to push through snow or skate over ice to make it to the hospital on time.
Coreen,
You holiday decorations are fan-tabulous! Thanks for inviting us!
Enjoy your Feast of the Seven Fishes. I never heard of it until I had a co-worker whose parents immigrated from Sicily. The first year, I unknowingly asked her if her family had lasagna on Christmas Eve. First, she laughed at me, and then I learned about the Seven Fishes.
Feast of the Seven Fishes
Coreen,
I've got the Elephant with the Chia Pet alarm clock bonus. I want to get Kung Fu Panda
I think the worst thing about the separation is my nephew has never had the opportunity to see the well developed sense of humor from our side of the family. I've just started sending messages to him on FB, and he doesn't get any of my jokes. A good sense of humour seems very important to me.
Ivy, would I be out of line if I ask about a Bark Mitzvah for your dog?
I'm not sure about Ft. Collins for Christmas though. A friend in Loveland said she just bought some crampons for her shoes because people keep slipping on ice. Well, they're not true crampons, but they're like mini-crampons and uncivilized for tile floors.
So Carol, ever change your mind on the Walkman? It could be like a belated Christmas gift. Or are you all done with the tapes?
Don,
The Bark Mitzvah itself is kinda boring and too much work, my pups say, but the party and the presents afterwards is lox of fun! lol
Afternoon folkes. Coreen thanks again for sharing your beautiful Christmas pics. And Jan, congrats on your wonderful Christmas Eve gift of a new grandbaby boy.
Mary and I went to the mall today. It wasn't too bad early but it rapidly got that way. I tried to comment on Iphony from the mall parking lot. I struggled to write my comment but when I tried to post it, I wasn't signed in so I lost it.
Ivy, do you think your pups really care one way or another. I think they will opt for whatever gets them the puppy treats. Don't judge them too harshly for that.
Maggie would go Rastafarian for a treat. Neither of us know exactly what that religion involves.
Don,
Part of my family, including my mom, moved to Fort Collins, so it's one of those obligatory trips regardless of the weather. We will be going out there in about a week. Actually, Fort Collins weather is generally better than the usual conditions in Castle Rock where we also have to go. Fort Collins is about 4,000 ft elevation while Castle Rock is about 6,000 ft. You wouldn't think 2,000 ft would make that much of a difference, but it does.
Carol,
I couldn't judge the pups for doing what pups do. I figure their "issues" are the same as mine anyway. The apple may fall far from the tree, but it's all the same orchard. lol.
Jamie,
It was nice to see you posting here on the previous thread. Merry Christmas!
Carol,
I thought we had a "lucky thirteen" number of followers, but now I see there are just 12 listed. I hope we didn't run somebody off.
Ivy, I saw that earlier also. I think it is Don that came off the list. Weren't you up there Don?
I got to get a move on. I have to pick up Mary and head about 40 down the road to meet my SF for church.
Ivy. Just teasing. But that's why the area around Ft. Collins is called the banana belt, the warmest part of the state. Seems like I-25 is always getting closed around Castle Rock. There and Raton Pass.
My friend had a friend slip and break a wrist catching herself. These are what she bought and she loves them.
I was up there Carol, but no matter what I did it wouldn't let me change my photo, and I wanted something more wintry. The other photo was the cypress in Monterey, CA. I get really grouchy when I run across badly written software.
I could have waited for you Mary. Everyone is late.
If you have too much time on your hands, you can take a look at these logos and see how many hidden messages you catch.
Don,
I will have to get a pair of those thing-a-ma-bobs for my Castle Rock s-i-l. She fell and broke her wrist in her own driveway...it is a slip-and-slide.
There was one terrible winter in the northeast when we had one ice storm after another from December to March. Our driveway was a steep downward trajectory into a busy residential street. The only way to get my mail was to sit on my butt and slide down the front yard. Sliding "off the rails" is a terrible out-of-control sensation.
Don,
I've not had any success with getting my photo to show up on the "followers" listing though it is here on the comments page.
On or About the Night Prior to Christmas
~ Author Unknown
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse. A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House, were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.) Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance. At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus. Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named Rudolph may have been involved.) The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney. Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations. Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination. However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
The Night before Christmas for Moms
~ Author Unknown
It was the night before Christmas, when all through the abode
Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.
The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds,
While visions of Nintendo and Barbie, flipped through their heads.
The dad was snoring in front of the TV,
With a half-constructed bicycle on his knee.
So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,
Which made her sigh, "Now what's the matter?"
With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,
She descended the stairs, and saw the old man.
He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug.
"Oh great," muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug."
"Ho-ho-ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake."
"Your gift was especially difficult to make."
"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone."
"Exactly!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."
"A clone?" she asked, "What good is that?
Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit-chat."
The mother's twin. Same hair, same eyes,
Same double chin.
"She'll cook, she'll dust," She'll mop every mess.
You'll relax, take it easy, Watch The Young & the Restless." "Fantastic!" the mom cheered. "My dream come true!
"I'll shop. I'll read., I'll sleep a whole night through! "
From the room above, the youngest began to fret.
"Mommy?! I scared... and I am wet."
The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."
"Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part."
The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune,
as she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon.
"You the best mommy ever. " I really love you."
The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too."
The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal. "
That's my child's love, she's trying to steal."
Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear, "
Only one loving mother, is needed here."
The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed.
"Thank you, Santa, for clearing my head.
I sometimes forget, it won't be very long,
When they'll be too old, for my cradle-song."
The clock on the mantle began to chime.
Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."
With the clone by his side Santa said, "Goodnight. Merry Christmas, Mom, You'll be all right."
One for Chloe,
Twas The Night Before Christmas (Texas Style)
'Twas the night before Christmas, in Texas, you know. Way out on the prairie, without any snow. Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue, A dreamin' of Christmas, like me and you. Not stockings, but boots, at the foot of their bed, For this was Texas, what more need be said, When all of a sudden, from out of the still night, There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright. And I saw 'cross the prairie, like a shot from a gun, A loaded up buckboard, come on at a run, The driver was "Geein" and "Hawin", with a will, The horses (not reindeer) he drove with such skill. "Come on there Buck, Poncho, & Prince, to the right, There'll be plenty of travelin' for you all tonight." The driver in Levi's and a shirt that was red, Had a ten-gallon Stetson on top of his head. As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight, With his beard and moustache, so curly and white. As he burst in the cabin, the children awoke, And were so astonished, that neither one spoke. And he filled up their boots with such presents galore, That neither could think of a single thing more. When Buddy recovered the use of his jaws, He asked in a whisper, "Are you really Santa Claus?" "Am I the real Santa? Well, what do you think?" And he smiled as he gave a mysterious wink. Then he leaped in his buckboard, and called back in his drawl, "To all the children in Texas, Merry Christmas, You-all"
Last one (for myself)
The Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
Were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Ma in her girdle and I in chin straps
Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,
Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
Sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wandering eyes should appear
A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
I knew in a second that I’d wind up sick.
The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer
I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;
On Pritikin, on Atkins, on South Beach, on TOPS
A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
From the top of the scales to the top of the hall
Now dash away pounds now dash away all.
Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress
My clothes were all bulging from too much excess.
My droll little mouth and my round little belly,
They shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
I spoke not a word but went straight to my work
Ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger beside my heartburn
Gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.
I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry–
If temptation’s removed I’ll get thin by and by.
And I mumbled again as I turned for the night
In the morning I’ll starve… ’til I take that first bite!
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