Friday, March 12, 2010

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an Hour -- William Blake

"The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us. A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves. That we have not only the right, but the duty to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us."

"It is important to state our feelings out loud, and to precede the feeling with "I feel." (When we say "I am angry, I'm hurt, etc." we are stating that the feeling is who we are. Emotions do not define us, they are a form of internal communication that help us to understand ourselves. They are a vital part of our being - as a component of the whole.) This is owning the feeling. It is important to do for ourselves. By stating the feeling out loud we are affirming that we have a right to feelings. We are affirming it to ourselves - and taking responsibility for owning ourselves and our reality. Rather the other person can hear us and understand is not as important as hearing ourselves and understanding that we have a right to our feelings. It is vitally important to own our own voice. To own our right to speak up for ourselves."

137 comments:

Chloe said...

.... just a place holder for our next post.

jan said...

Ivy, I am so happy you are back.

It is still pretty chilly here, but we have one little jonquil in our front yard today. Our big tree in front has little sprouts that will soon become leaves. No hummers as yet. Too cold still.

Chloe said...

No hummers yet here either, Jan - at least that I've seen.

I've even started worrying about where I have my feeder Carol. It's under an eve on the north side of the house, so when the hummers were going south (coming from the north) they would have seen it. Now I'm worried that it's hidden too much from them, since they'll be coming by my house on the other side (the south). I may have to put it more in plain view. I'm not one of their regular stops, since the fall was my first time to have a feeder.

Chloe said...

... see you guys tomorrow.

Carol said...

Nada here either. Chloe, the Blake quote came out in those weird little symbols again.

Carol said...

I wouldn't worry about where you put the feeder Chloe, if they're around, they'll find it. Mine is in the same place it always is and I've seen nothing yet.

Carol said...

No more snow Jan?

Chloe said...

Carol, I changed the font. Is the quote still in symbols? And if so, how about the rest, is it English?

Carol said...

Only the Blake quote is in those little pics. It isn't that way on your computer?

Chloe said...

It's fine on both my computers. Did you reload the page after I changed the font?

Carol said...

Weird. When I put it in google translate is gave me the quote. It said it was translating from English to English

Carol said...

Yes, I reloaded and refreshed. Is anyone else seeing something weird?

Carol said...

I'd be worrying about me but the rest of what you wrote is normal.

Carol said...

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an Hour -- William Blake

And Chloe, when I copy and paste it here, it's normal. Weird!

Chloe said...

I think I'll have to copy the post, then get rid of this one and redo it (by pasting). We'll lose these comments though.

No, I'll leave this one and put the same thing on the new one to see if it works.

Carol said...

I wanted you to see what I am seeing but it won't reproduce.

Carol said...

Don't worry about it. It might only be me that has something weird. The Universe may just be screwing with me. That's OK. I can handle it.

Chloe said...

Carol, I recopied it onto a new post. Can you check to see if it's the same. If it is, I give up. It has something to do with fonts and italics, because that's what I changed on the first one.

Carol said...

Still the same Chloe. Maybe it's only on my computer. It's little interesting symbols.

Carol said...

Leave it alone. If it comes out like this on anyone elses computer it will be an interesting conversation piece. They can copy and paste into google translate for the translation.

Carol said...

Google recognizes it.

Carol said...

Even when I copy and paste it, it comes out normal.

Chloe said...

OK, but still, it's perplexing. This is what happened last time. It was OK on mine, but no one else's.

You know I redid it on the one with no comments, above this one, right? That's the one you checked?

Anyway, thanks for helping. I'm going to worry about it tomorrow. Nite again.

Carol said...

Chloe, I checked it out on Iphoney and she sees it normal. What gives?

Carol said...

Maybe this computer doesn't recognize certain fonts. It's font challenged.

Carol said...

And that boundries info is so true. We do need to take responsibility for how we are feeling. It's not always apparent to people saying things or behaving in a certain way how we are precieving it. May not be what they intended.

Communication often gets misread or misinterpreted just like that quote you presented that came out all weird on my computer. Perfect example.

jan said...

Carol, I like your pome by W. Blake.

Carol said...

That's the pome Chloe put up in that interesting font that some of our computers can't read. When I copied it and pasted it in the comment section, it came out readable.

Carol said...

LOL, if anyone reads this post they will certainly need to read the comments to understand what is going on here. I bet it could cause some head scratching. Love it. Solar may think we are starting to join him on his space adventure. We're coming to see ya, buddy. (Don't change it Chloe)

This morning I woke up early and with my head whirling with thoughts and ponders. I guess it helps to have a day off. And thinking of that, one of my nurses, who just got back from being off, pretty ill, for a year, called me at the courthouse Thursday to get some orders on a new intake. She asked if I was certainly taking off Friday and I said yes. She said, you are going to be sorry Monday. I told her I'm always sorry on Monday, whether I take off an extra day or not. I'll deal with it.

It's approaching 5 years at this job and I haven't taken off a week for a vacation yet and she's fussing because I want a Friday off? I get no respect! Let me tell you, if you haven't already figured it out and I'm sure you guys have, you're not going to get any credit for playing the marter, at work or on the home front. Actually, just the opposite, they think you are effing nuts.

Carol said...

Another somethim I recognized over the years and tell me this ain't true, if you kill yourself for 364 days of the year and be a slouch for one day, people think, what a slouch you are being. But if you are a slouch for 364 days of the year and outdo yourself for one day, you get all kinds of recognition for that one great day.

Carol said...

Now for what else I was pondering when I got up. A couple of days ago, on NPR, a young Doc was on talking about how Docs have so little resourses for knowing what is the best medicine to prescribe for certain conditions. (Drug reps provide most of their education)

They don't know when to use old, tried and true drugs compared to this new, hot off the press, haven't been tested long enough drugs. That is so true. It was mentioned that the Obama admin was financing some program to try to fix that problem. Good for him, bad for drug companies that are pushing their hot off the press drugs.

It kind of helps when you have a formulary to try to stick to, that is, if it is set up by someone who does the research to know what are the most efficacious and cost effective choices. Formularies are a good thing!

Too often, the most expensive, and least tested, medications are being ordered for the patient. Then in a couple of years or sooner than that, when enough people are taking the meds, they find out the drugs cause some horrible problem. I'm one who is very nervous about using the new, hot off the press drugs. I'd like to see their track record before jumping aboard. And fortunately, I really don't have a choice, cuz we can't afford the, hot off the press drugs anyway. A plus for my peeps.

I also have another advantage. I have my own pharmacist to work with. We are a team. All my meds come from the same place unlike what occurs in most other practices. I use the expertise of my pharmacist often.

Pharmacist are one of the most underused medical specialist that I can think of. They are schooled for 4+ and spend their time studying pharmocology and are mostly used to count pills. How wasteful, they could have done that without any special education!

You wouldn't believe how many times I have someone come in taking something totally inappropriate for the condition. I call my pharmacist and ask her what she thinks before changing the choice. I'm not going to counter what someone else has prescribed, unless we don't have it available, without her advice.

Anyone see the new study that has come out about those osteoporosis drugs. Some studies are finding an increase in femur fractures in people taking them. Worrisome! If you're taking one, watch your femurs sisters.

My recommendation is, if you are taking something fairly new, you just might want to google it every now and again. Look for the research that is coming out and research not done by the company selling the drug.

Carol said...

Jees, that was a long one. It didn't look that long when I was writing it.

Carol said...

If you are interested:

Long-Term Use of Osteoporosis Drugs Linked to Fractures

Carol said...

And Ivy, I bookmarked that Grumpy Gardner you linked a while back. When I remember to check out that blog, I'm never disappointed.

Check out the lastest post:

Great Minds Think Alike -- and We Know Everything

Carol said...

That guy is crazy funny Ivy. Here's another one worth reading:

Meteor Strikes Alabama Neighborhood, Citizens Brace for More

Chloe said...

"I checked it out on Iphoney and she sees it normal. What gives?"

Thank goodness, at least someone see's it normal. I think Iphoney must be really intelligent- thanks Ipohoney! .

What's so frustrating, when that happens, is that I see it as normal on both my computers, plus another computer in the house. So it puts me in the position of fixing something I can't see. That's why I deleted the post when it happened a while back (when Don was here). It was in code on everyone's computer except mine.

I need to stop messing with the fonts, but I love messing with it and using italics. I like to live dangerously, I guess. Ha.

Chloe said...

"Maybe this computer doesn't recognize certain fonts. It's font challenged."

LOL Carol, I didn't see this. It's this program that's font challenged - considering it happened on everyone's computer, except mine, last time. There's a 'glitch' and I'm the only one who seems to aggravate it.

Chloe said...

"It's not always apparent to people saying things or behaving in a certain way how we are preconceiving it. May not be what they intended."

That happens to me all the time. I either miscomprehended what someone is saying, or I say something that comes out completely wrong. At least when you're talking to someone face to face, you have the benefit of 'seeing' their reaction in real time and can self correct.

Chloe said...

http://ct-carolssouthernspice.blogspot.com/2010/03/auguries-of-innocence.html?showComment=1268478844499#c2711167829283289439

... yep. Everyone's just more interested in how your actions are going to affect them (understandably, may I add - after all, we are all supposed to be responsible for our own well being.). If you want a pat on the back once in a while, you'd better learn to do it yourself.

jan said...

Carol, An excellent post on meds. You are so very right. When any of the families I work with ask about meds their doc prescribed I refer them to their local pharmacist. John and I use our pharmacist a lot. They are always so happy to help and teach. Here at the univ I work with the pharmacist degree is a Pharmacy doctorate. Before I was a nurse I worked in doctors offices for 3 years and drug reps were frequent visitors. I am lucky, I don't take any drugs except claritin & vit D. John takes a statin daily and inhalers for his asthma. He has u

jan said...

Just ignore that last hanging sentence.

Carol said...

Well, I'm fixing to head out, alone. Keep good thoughts. I did have a little trouble getting the boat to stay started this morning. She cranked right up and then died. Now she idling out there.

You guys with families may have boundary issues, not sure if you were referring to family, but I don't have anyone to fish the boundaries with. My limited friends don't like to fish. God sent me a new friend who did like to fish and whoa, there was some boundary issues there. It's never just right.

jan said...

Chloe, a good post and a beautiful pic for spring. When I was in nursing school a million years ago we learned the value of "I" statements and taking responsibility for our own reactions to events rather than blaming someone else for what we are feeling. Nevertheless, it seems to be human nature to want to "blame" someone or something else for what is happening to us. Something I am working on also is forgiving myself as well as others for perceived "hurtful" actions. I believe that guilt and resentment are two of the biggest contributers to stress and the effects of stress over time will kill us.

There is a saying that "What does not kill you will make you stronger." I think this statement was by a German Philosopher Neitsche. I think this statement is a bunch of hogwash. I have heard this statement for years and interestingly it was part of a topic on "Modern Family" the other night. The patriarch in the family was trying to hang this framed statement in his young stepson's room and in the process the frame fell off the wall into a glass container on top of the stepson's turtle, killing the pet. The young stepson, Manny (who, I think, is the wisest character in the show) told his stepfather he did not believe that statement. He told his SF that people who are wounded in wars may be made weaker by something that tried to kill them. It is known that many people who suffer physical or psychological trauma go on to have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Does PTSD mean someone is stronger? I don't think so.

Ivy Green said...

Carol,
Thanks for linking the Grumpy Gardner. I has lost my link when my laptop went dark. I have now re-linked it.

The meteor story was a laugh riot. We can never forget about the lady on the couch getting hit by a meteor. In the honor, it says "Stars Fell On Alabama" on every standard license plate.

It is true we seem to like to watch things burn around here (well, not me personally). The next best thing is exploding things, and after that, shooting things, although those two may be tied in opinion polls. I'm judging by the number of times I hear fireworks going off around the neighborhood, and it's not July 4th, or New Year's, or anything special. Hubs went to an event where, for entertainment purposes, the guys planted explosives in an earthen dam, shot firearms at it to explode it, and the resulting concussion shattered thirty one plate glass windows in the house. That was a three-'fer! lol

P.S. Hubs insists if I have to share this story, that I put on a disclaimer that he wasn't at the scene, didn't know about it in advance, and didn't think it was a bit funny after the fact. Somebody could really have gotten hurt.

jan said...

Carol, I can picture you now out in your boat having a great time.

You are so right about boundary issues in families. I work on that every day.

jan said...

Ivy, loved the link to the meteors in Alabama. too funny.

jan said...

Well, not so funny for the people these events happened to.

jan said...

Carol, I see you posted that link and the other grumpy gardner which was funny. mea culpa.

jan said...

Well, gotta go to get ready for a B'day party for oldest son.

jan said...

Ivy, very funny story about the fireworks.

Ivy Green said...

Jan,
What a good analysis of PTSD. I don't watch that show, but Manny sounds like a wise soul. Much obvious and not-so-obvious suffering results from unresolved trauma. The thing is, we all experience "trauma" in our lives. What we haven't learned, and don't do well, is deal with it. Dealing with it does not mean stuffing it...or reliving it endlessly. It means acknowledging it, sharing it with others but only others who can relate to it, and then release it to whatever power greater than yourself you choose to believe in. It's a simple prescription, really, but our culture prefers to cling to the "stiff upper lip" theory, labelling anything and anyone else as "less than." That saddens me because I don't like to see suffering, especially if it can be helped.

Ivy Green said...

"In a dysfunctional home there are no boundaries, no limits. There is little or no supervision to make certain a child is safe in his attempts to learn about the world. As a child, I learned the world is dangerous and uncertain, not safe.
Today I will say no when my boundaries are invaded. I will say no if someone wants me to do something that goes against my beliefs, feelings or desires. It' okay to say no when I'm tired. It's okay to say no to something I don't like. It's okay to set my own boundaries."
- Rokelle Lerner, Affirmations for the Inner Child, p. 8

Solar said...

There are many, many self help tapes, and books that one can read about how to treat others.! If it is a boundary issue, or any other issue...In my family relations, or with friends there is only one rule for me...it has worked 100% I treat whomever is in front of me...with the out-most respect and concern...

If It is not returned once, twice, three times...U don't deserve any boundaries protection from me....U have just proved to be very selfish....

Now my relation ship with that person is totally different...Im still respectful at the very first minuets that we meet again...but aggressive...when someone does ask me, why I have changed towards them...I tell them..if they ask me in front of someone..they get my answer in front of all who is there..

For me there are no boundary when i comes to myself...i invade my own thoughts just to see if they are coming from some selfish thinking...I try to adjust.....

Jan, once one can look into that mirror and forgive him/her self....becomes a matter of maintenance ...sometimes a little, sometimes a great effort..but that is t he very first step in self understanding....

Raining again today, and a little cool...don't care, one more week or so to go...

Carol said...

Hi guys. Out fishing. Not catching anything but
stuff I'm not suppose to catch. Ernest goes
fishing. It's beautul.

Ivy Green said...

I will always have more work to do on this one...

"I take care of myself today by setting reasonable boundaries with those around me."

"Being clear about what is acceptable to me is a tool I use to take care of myself. It falls under the category of changing the things I can, as stated in the Serenity Prayer. To set reasonable and effective boundaries, it's important that I discern the difference between my responsibilities and someone else's. The Serenity Prayer can help me with this, too. Then I can make choices about what action I will or will not take. I am free to take care of myself in any way I deem necessary, whether or not anyone else likes my choices."

~ Hope for Today, p. 199

Carol said...

Well Laurel and Hardy have
caught two fish. Sh--ed
them in. Close to falling in several times.

jan said...

Carol, are your 2 fish enough for your supper? bon appetite.

jan said...

Ivy, It has taken me a lifetime to learn what Rokelle Lerner said, but practicing this is the difficult part. It is interesting that knowledge alone does not equal change in lifetime patterns. It takes one step at a time and then sometimes we take one step forward and 2 back.

jan said...

I have been too busy to get over and swim this week - so was so excited to have the time this morning to swim. Got to the univ pool and it is closed for spring break. I did get a good walk in this morn so all is not lost.

Carol said...

I'm back in, safe and sound. It was touch and go out there. I was bucking a strong west wind. Hope no one was watching unless they videoed it and I get a cut on the video deal. Almost fell in a couple of times, dropped a few things overboard, and a pin came out of the attachment to the trolling motor and I had to put it back together without losing the trolling motor. All in all, a pretty normal trip for me.

I caught a good sized Crappy and a pretty good sized bass. I didn't see anyone else out there catching anything. I think it might the biggest bass I've caught in a while. I caught both of them while I was going around in circles with my trolling motor trying to untangle another line. I just had my lines out while I was trolling. I have a tendency to do better when I'm not working at it. Usually just dumb luck.

I'm having some trouble with my knee. Yesterday, while trying to blow out leaves in the boat, I got my foot caught going in the opposite direction of my body and then tried to sit down. There was extreme pain in the back of my knee but I felt or heard nothing go snap, crackle or pop. Today it's a little painful to do certain manuvers, like walk.

Carol said...

I glad to see we are getting a little therapy here. The Swamp is a good place to leave your dirt and the river is a tad muddy right now so no one will notice.

Ivy, you can see all the episodes of Modern Family at ABC.com. You need to start from the beginning so you can get to know the characters. It's a hoot. I think you'd like it. I try not to miss it. Last weeks was really good but better when you know the characters.

Chloe said...

"I take care of myself today by setting reasonable boundaries with those around me."

Ivy, that quote of yours is such a important one, and so concise - just as important as the control issues that we've discussed (in my opinion). It takes a lot of self knowledge to be able to set limit's, but I wouldn't call setting limits (boundaries) as any kind of control (other than self control). Like your quote said, it's important to be clear with others about what is acceptable - I think most people are more comfortable knowing what the boundaries are too.

... I like that your quote is called 'Hope' for today. Hope is what keeps us going.

Ivy Green said...

Carol,
It sounds like most of the fish were safe today. lol

Chloe said...

"It is important to state our feelings out loud."

Ivy, this sentence from the quote I posted, I think says what you were saying last night about how important it is to talk about things.

I'm not even sure that you were talking about the same kind of boundary issues last night that I'm talking about in the post - I think I missed the target. What you said: "Problems that seem far and distant, yet so real and present, and manifested in our personal lives. I must be experiencing some "boundary issues" at the moment." ..... sounds more like you may have been talking about the problems of the world seeping into our own perception and therefore our lives. I'm not sure I was listening well enough - one reason may have been because I was tired.

I'm now thinking that you were mainly feeling so much empathy for others who had terrible troubles in their life, less opportunities than we have had, and that the sorrow of it was seeping into your own feelings. Obviously, it's hard for me to articulate exactly what I'm trying to say, but I'm trying to get a better idea what you were feeling. I think I probably went off on the wrong track.

Carol has said she can't watch the news in large doses, because looking at other peoples hardships depresses her (sorry Carol, I'm not sure if I said that right, and I'm not trying to speak for you) and I'm wondering if you may have been feeling something like that.

And regarding this: "... we are a culture born of trauma."

Life 'is' traumatic (by it's very nature). We can't always make sense of it either. It's important to try, and talking about it does help, but mainly it only helps us to move on. Moving on is the only real option.

Ivy Green said...

Chloe,
You hit the whole row of nails on their pointy little heads. Thank you!

Ivy Green said...

For me, setting boundaries is about overcoming my people-pleasing trait...I've heard it labelled as "the disease to please."

"...I understood that the root of these shortcomings was my inability to be true to myself. I became aware of my tendency to let other people take advantage of me because I wanted to please them. Yet I often felt depressed when I did something expected of me that ran counter to my goals or values. When I did stand up for myself, I felt guilty...
Eventually I learned that 'no' is a complete sentence and that I had a right to refuse without explanation. I learned the value of applying the Serenity Prayer to relationships and to my people-pleasing. If nothing I do or say can make people like or dislike me, then I might as well do what is in my best interest as long as it hurts no one else."

~ Hope for Today, p. 220

Ivy Green said...

Chloe,
Just one clarification upon reflection...there are some who have had as many or more opportunities as me, and still experience terrible troubles and sorrow. I feel for them as much as the so-called down-trodden. Poverty is not the common denominator.
I just read someplace I can't recall (maybe it was somebody's comment or link right here?) that there are cultures which exist with none of our material benefits, but infinitely more joy than us.

Ivy Green said...

Carol,
Who is Ernest? Do you mean Ernie from Sesame Street? He always catches fish. lol

Fish Call

Carol said...

I had that people pleasing problem for a long time but I've made a lot of progress in changing that. I don't have the energy to do it anymore, it really didn't please enough and I'd get really pissed off at myself for doing it. It's a tough habit to quit especially when people have learned to expect it from you for a long time. You have to be willing to look like the AH for a while.

Carol said...

No Ivy, it that Ernest in Ernest goes to camp.... He's that idiot that can't do anything right.

Ernest Goes to Camp

And Ivy, I only needed enough fish for dinner and I got that. I just finished fileting them and picked some fresh tender spring salad greens to go with the fish. My dinner tonight is going to be very fresh.

Carol said...

Thanks Ivy, I'll try that fish call. It certainly couldn't make me look any worst than I did out there today, if anyone was watching.

Ivy Green said...

Carol,
Hubs says your dinner sounds a lot healthier than the pizza we just finished.

Ivy Green said...

Carol,
Your dinner was Crappy. Ours was just crap. lol

Ivy Green said...

"Detachment with love means that I stop depending upon what others do, say, or feel to determine my own well-being or to make my decisions. When faced with other people's destructive attitudes and behavior, I can love their best, and never fear their worst."

~ Courage to Change, p. 72

Carol said...

It's not all healthy Ivy. I coated the fish with cornmeal and fried it up. I got a sample and it is the best fresh fried bass and crappy I've ever eaten. It's enough for two people but I'm eating it all, unless Maggie wants some.

My home grown, organic, spring salad is good too!

Chloe said...

"...I understood that the root of these shortcomings was my inability to be true to myself...."

Exactly!
We all have a 'responsibility' to do just that! If we can't be 'true to ourselves', then we can't be true to anyone else either.

"... there are some who have had as many or more opportunities as me, and still experience terrible troubles and sorrow. I feel for them as much as the so-called down-trodden."

And Ivy, I knew that - knew that you were talking about 'all' people. Also knew you were speaking about a 'state of mind' and feeling of well being (or pain and loss, whichever the case), rather than material benefits (or lack of them).

Chloe said...

Carol, You're living off the land (and I'm living off Taco Bell. Keep up the good work!

Carol said...

Very satisfying meal but I really had to work hard for it. And I only had to sacrifice one knee, and I think the ankle also, for it. Good thing they have grocery stores and pizza Ivy.

I left the owl god a piece of raw fish on a tall post under the tree. I wonder if it will find it.

Carol said...

And Taco Bell!

Ivy Green said...

I set my clocks ahead for daylight savings time already. In fact, I did it hours ago...about 4:30 to be exact. I turned it into 5:30 at the flip of a switch. Not that I'm in any hurry to get this day over. But it takes my bio-rhythms so long to "change," I figured why wait? Just get started now. lol

Carol said...

That's what God invented men for. To clean the boat, fix the boat, load the boat, clean the fish. We should only have to cook the fish and eat the fish.

jan said...

'I have a tendency to do better when I'm not working at it."

Carol, what you have said above is the key to success. Some of the simplest ideas are the most profound.

Carol said...

I've been getting a lot of free therapy today with all the readings. Thanks.

Carol said...

A friend just told me that in 2011 when we go to Daylight Savings time we don't go back. Is that true?

Ivy Green said...

Carol,
I don't know 'bout the permanent DSL, but C-Bob posted on TM that he got your check today. Don't know how much reading you do over there. They were talking about hummingbirds too. Maybe it's safe for me to go back. lol

Ivy Green said...

I don't usually bother to correct my typos, but "DSL" was suppose to be "DST." Sorry.

Carol said...

Ivy, that check started it's journey on Jan 21 and it's just getting there. It made a 6 week round trip and then I got another address and sent it again.

Ivy Green said...

Carol,
I haven't made my Haiti donation yet. I was waiting to see what Habitat for Humanity was going to do. I have given to them for over twenty years, and I trust them with my contributions. Building housing for the poor is their mission. I just saw their first television ad asking for donations for Haiti relief. My time to give has come.

Ivy Green said...

The thing about the daily reading excerpt comments is that I have to retype them all. There is no cut-and-paste. That forces me to read and review each and every word, plus the punctuation. So whatever you guys do or do not get from the postings, I may be the one who's absorbing the most. lol

Ivy Green said...

How do they know? I didn't say a word to the dogs about resetting the clocks an hour ahead, but they have been milling around and getting restless an hour early for each of their routines. They wanted dinner an hour ahead of time. Now it's like they think it's half past nine already, and they should be going out for potty and getting ready for bed. But it's only 8:30 by their body clocks. How DO they KNOW???

Carol said...

They're smarter than we are Ivy.

Carol said...

Ivy, written down something I read to set it in my brain was how I studied in college. Everything I read, that I thought was important, I wrote down. Couldn't just underline it like some did. The act of writing it down dragged it thru my brain where a good bit of it stuck. Just reading it wasn't enough for me.

Carol said...

But then I am learning disabled. Much was the result of having been born a twin and a month premature.

Ivy Green said...

Carol,
Where did you hear about permanent daylight savings time? You can probably reassure them there's no truth to that rumor. I found this U.S. Naval Observatory link that gives begin and end dates through 2015.

US Naval Observatory link

Carol said...

Has anyone seen this huge head with a blond ponytail? I looked up in the sky all day yesterday and didn't see it. It would have been particularly nice if it would have popped in my boat yesterday. Well nice for me but I might have placed it at risk. The last friend I invited fishing did get one of my lures, only in her clothes. I think it was her hat. Good thing she was wearing sunglasses. I didn't catch any body parts. I save that kind of action for myself.

And yesterday really felt just like a vacation day. You know, one of those days where you rented a cabin at the river. It had the look, feel and smell of a vacation. A really neat day.

Only problem was, it was a vacation I took by myself. There is a little problem with being in paradise with only myself. This is something I've pondered before. Is something fun or beautiful or anything else if there is no one to share that experience with??

Being alone is something that took some time to adjust to. I wasn't even born alone. For most of my life, I had to have someone around me even if that person was miserable to be around. I'd take in someone off the street and think I did several times.

It has only been since 2002 that I have lived alone. A good bit of the beginning of that time was spent at mom's taking care of her and the family. My family, me included, is really screaming nuts when we are trapped in the same place together. The Osborn family could not hold a candle to us. It was a nice change when I got back home, alone.

Now I could probably change this alone business but it would most likely be this all or nothing action, if you know what I mean. It's either by myself or a crowd. These days, I can't handle a crowd unless I could snap my fingers and they're here, and snap my fingers and they're gone. No happy medium.

Right after mom died and that time of HELL I experienced was over, things in my life started to move in this wonderful direction. I figured I must have passed that test with flying colors and now I was getting my reward. The only thing that was left out of that reward was finding some really neat people to share it with. I pondered that God must think I need some time to get to know myself. I've had that and I'm bored with that. I had to create this place to find those really neat people I was missing in my life. And even though, technically I was alone yestesday, I did take you fishing with me. It's amazing that you aren't sitting in the middle of the river right now.

Coreen said...

Weathered another storm yesterday without any
significant damage, no trees down, no flooding,
no loss of electricity (so far-but pretty sure the worst is over).

Glad to see someone is enjoying the hint of spring somewhere, not here as yet.

Not much to offer as far as the 'therapy sessions', so I'll just leave it all to you guys to try to figure it out.

Carol said...

With that weather Coreen, you should have blown on down this way. I did see a snake out swimming in the river yesterday so that might have turned you around. It doesn't bother me because it's just another sign that Spring has sprung.

Sorry I didn't know about your bad weather. I'm usually keeping up with everyone's weather but I haven't even seen any news in the last couple of days. I'm on vacation. Trying to stay worry free.

Carol said...

I've gotten to page 16 in my End of Suffering book. That's an average of 8 pages a night. Pretty good for me. Some of it is kinda tough for me with all those big words. I'm speaking of that Buddhist stuff. They put alot of letters together to make big words that I couldn't pronounce if my life depended on it. It's worse than our medical jargon but that's a language I do speak.

Coreen said...

"Trying to stay worry free" & not paying attention to the 'news'....definite stress-reducers....

Carol, that is probably the best 'advice' to try as often as possible...

And you are so right, about your resident
reptiles...no way...

Coreen said...

This would probably only be of interest to Solar, when he shows up, while catching up, saw
this little fluff piece about your favorite
TV personality, Christiane...

Domains: War Rooms

Solar said...

Just posted this for Flatus over at TM...I was pleased to talk to him for a little while...he is one of the sharpest people that I have talked to...held my own this time...not that we argued...but did have a back and forth..he mentioned the changed in time, and I remembered this:

.I just want to share some 'Time ' information that just roamed into my cabeza with U.

The most famous scientist in Hollands history Christian Huygens ( the annual Huygens lecture is named after him) that is mostly about how the brain and mind, philosophy works.......he had nothing much to do about those things....but did for space:

He discovered Saturn's rings and estimated the distance between the earth and the stars by pin-holing the sun.......he cared about time: he invented the pendulum clock......cared about "Light" also....."the Huygens Principle" refers to his wave theory of light........he is the patron saint of the annual lecture....forgot the date, so won't guess at it.....

Time is the most important, the most studied thing that does not exist, and that we have inside of our organism....our "body clock" dogs and other animals don't have a paw (wrist ) watch.....they still want to go do their duty at the same time...that they always do it....can't fool them like we fool our selves.

Solar said...

Coreen,

thanks for the Christiane piece...I did enjoy it, since she is the best....she did a series called the soldiers of God...or something like that, about christian, mulsims and others that was great...I still haven't seen it all...but will some day...

Solar said...

Carol,

U have discovered the secrete to a very happy life....being alone, and being able to be alone, is the most profound thing that I have done...it takes some doing to be at peace with your self...never gets lonely...at least not like people think. It give one the ability to see the self, the good, the bad, and the ugly....and change it...this is another thing that I have been talking about...before U can accomplish any change in yourself...U have to understand your-self....I think that is why U are so in tuned about things....except when U start seeing things........

jan said...

Ivy, thanks for posting that U.S. Naval Observatory link. I too have heard that DST might be abandoned sometime in the future. The changes in time have little effect on me - I am pretty adaptable. John, on the other hand, has a terrible time with both changes in time. He gets pretty depressed, especially with the fall change of time. I think part of that is some seasonal affective disorder. He does not take medication but his sleep routine gets really messed up. What helps him is to either rev-up his exercise routine or just be sure he is exercising every day and eating healthy. He used to take St. John's Wort but does not do that any longer. I think It is getting easier as long as he plans ahead.

Solar said...

Time is an emotion that begats feelings...about the self...the sense of a personal past, t he anticipated future...etc...called extended consciousness....imagine how some sick people are not aware of time...other than body time...the brain tells them when to eat, sleep, and take a walk...it is protecting the organism....

They don't have the feeling that makes them think about the past...feeling that generate an autobiograaphical setting. Feelings generate the past, the now and the anticipated future......these feeling are given their proper place in order to have a better chance to influence the reasoning and decision-making process....

Carol said...

My SF just stopped over to bring me a cow check which I just turned back over to him for the up keep on those cows. I don't participate in it anymore so I don't deserve to keep any of the money and he really needs it.

Every time I talk to him or see him, I'm depressed and I'm sure he is also but that's not new since he spends every minute of his awake time depressed. He sees a Shrink that has him on so many drugs that I surprised he can stay awake.

Just before he left he told me he wrecked his truck. His Shrink gave him a new drug and he took it and was driving. He said he blacked out, ran a red light and plowed into a truck. That's just great. I asked if anyone was hurt and he said no. I told him to stop that med and let me know what it was. If anything comes of that accident I think I will suggest he sue that Shrink.

My SF would like for me to take care of his problems. I don't have the time nor do I want to. I took care of my own parents, mom for her entire life and did a lot for him while she was alive. He was more work than mom was while she was dying. He never appreciated or acknowledged anything my mom did for him. It was almost like she was just another hired hand. Since mom has died, I've weaned myself from his life. I DO feel quilty though. This is one of my major boundary issues.

Solar said...

Ivy,

Im so sorry...welcome back sweetie....nice to read your calming thoughts...keep them coming...going for a nice long walk....sunny and a little cool, not cold...just like i like it.....

jan said...

Carol, I was just reading what you have said about being alone. I have women friends who have never married. This seems to happen often to women who have climbed the career ladder in nursing education. Doing reseach and publishing takes up so much of one's life that there is not much time and energy left for finding a compatable partner, especially in those years that Erik Erikson calls the "intimacy-seeking" years.

Some of my friends in the PhD program and younger than me, were so busy getting their careers started - doing research and making geographic moves to further their careers that many of them put off getting involved in romantic relationships because developing those relationships took so much time. In recent years, when I talk with these women, they say they are happy with those decisions and content with being alone. Many have lasting friendships with other women who also do not have partners.

I have been in a relationship for most of my adult life and am most comfortable being in a relationship.

I did some research and publishing early on, after the PhD, but made a purposeful decision at some point after my divorce that I did want another love-relationship. I found I did not have what it took to do it all, so I moved out of a tenure-track position that required doing research.

I have had some unhealthy relationships though, and that is worse than being alone. For me, learning what I want in a relationship has been a life-long process.

I guess what I am saying is - that at some point whether we realize it or not -we make a decision as to whether to seek a life-long relationship or take another direction. Of course, we can reverse that decision.

I had a friend in Ark who at one time was an Asso Dean in the nurs program there. She was a devout Catholic and had never married, but when she was 50 she found the love of her life and after about 6 months of courtship they married. That was about 20 years ago and she could not be happier.

jan said...

Carol, just reading about your SF. Wow! he has a lot of needs.

jan said...

Carol, I am glad you had that great day on your boat fishing yesterday. Hope it helps you counter the effect of your visit from your SF.

Solar said...

Carol,

U are doing the right thing about your SF...U R not being selfish....like he was when he was the only voice that mattered...did not listen to good advise...he reminds me on my Father in Law...he was one of those stubborn Italians...that did not listen to anyone...well he did his barber...his barber (when he was young) was Al Capones barber...so he had all of the answers...he did not want me in his family for a while...treated me like a second class citizen....until he ran out of people giving him the wrong advise...he lived with me for a year...cried and asked me to forgive him...I did...even convinced him to get fit enough for him to drive his beloved van again...he had a table at the flea-market...i went with him to set it up.....he loved to horse bargain with people...$ did not matter as profit..he had enough of it....not that I wanted his $, but we did not know that he gave power of atty to a daughter that stole $ from him before....she sold his house, and took all of the $ out of bank accts...just as he was dying....she did not give a penny to my wife...her only sister.....I-we haven't talked to her in 12 yrs or so....I do miss my her two kids tho...did not even get invited to my godaughters wedding...I tell my wife that if she wants to get together with her...that is cool with me, she doesn't even answer...when people are selfish...they only end up with them selves......now this is the type of lowliness that is unforgiving...she is stuck with herself.....and needs to be around others all of the time....so she won't be along...just imagine what she sees in that mirror.....that I talk about??....later

jan said...

I had a great time yesterday at oldest son's B'day party. I got to hold and feed little 2 month old Abigail. I am completely in love. She has the cutest little facial expressions. Before I left, my son - her grandfather- was holding her and talking to her and she was so expressive in responding to him. Since her birth she has changed so much. It was a great day.

jan said...

Solar, you are back from your walk. How was it. I took one this morning too. We have a cold front coming in. When I started my walk it was sunny. AFter about 45 minutes, the front was moving in from the east and the sun was covered and it was getting windy. Bummer.

Carol said...

Jan, I didn't do research or publishing but did work all my spare time just to make enough money to pay the bills. One problem with nursing being a so female dominated profession, you don't run into too many partner choices. What I had to choose from here was seriously limited and rather than compromise, I just didn't.

Watching those who did compromise also didn't help. I see very few if any really happy relationships. Some must think it is worth it.

Well I have my boat almost loaded up and I think I will head out again. Fishing is one activity where I can stay totally in the present. It's probably due to the little bit of chaos I have going when I fish. No time to fret over the past or worry about the future, just get that knot out of the line so I can get it back out into the water. Hurry, the fish are waiting.

Carol said...

I was always close to my SF even though he would have little to do with my sisters. I went out and worked with him on the time I did have off. He called me his favorite SD. Not appropriate but he was socially retarded.

When I was out taking care of the fly I was also having to drive a round trip of 140 miles a day on the days I worked and stop at my house to take care of things there. I'd cook dinner and have to serve him and then pick up his plate. He just sat at the counter bar. Toward the end I asked him to serve his own plate and I stopped placing it and his drink in front of him. He wouldn't do it. He stopped eating at the house and went to Burger King to get a hamburger. Need I say more?

jan said...

Carol, all so very true -about nursing and men and the pay. The most angry I have ever been in my job was when I saw a man who had done little or nothing get tenure and 3 women who wre much more deserving of tenure - all get denied tenure - all by the same dean (a woman).

jan said...

Carol, living on the river sounds like the perfect place for you. You have figured out where you are meant to be - and you are there. We are so blessed when we also have good friends that like to do the same things as we do and watch out for us too. I am trying to remember what you call the guys who are your neighbors who are there for you. You are rich!

jan said...

Carol, your SF sounds like my dad's last wife. They were married 7 years and after my dad's death, we took care of her too. But she kept saying mean things about my sister and 2 of my nieces. I finally got fed up and cut off contact with her.

Carol said...

Well, I'm back and there was no chaos this time. No fish either. It's a package deal, I guess. I did enjoy the scenary, the wildlife and the occasional humanoid that passed. I listened to the best oldies on my little transistor radio. I was in my element. Ahhhhh.

This says it all:

Happy Feet

Solar said...

Jan,

Im back now. I didn't go for that walk tho. I went to the local fle-market to walk around and horse trade. I looked at some large concreted finishing trowel machines; nice price, wish that I was busy.....did get some rubber gloves and a cpl of electric tools that I didn't need...that is the ti me to buy things....when U don't need them...very cheap..work socks, jeans, swimming trunks, and an inflatable companion girl.......

Solar said...

Jan,

......forgot, probably walked about 3 miles while looking in on the flea-market...going back next wk...have a vhs to disc converter on order....I have a lot of taped history, and science information that is on VHS tapes..

Carol said...

Solar, I wish I had a flea market I could walk to. That would be almost as much fun as fishing. Nothing like that around here. I could find an inflatable friend. That would be the ticket. Probably be too much wind resistance in the boat but wouldn't need a life jacket.

Coreen said...

Now that is a really great pic, Carol...and all
I can think of is this...

Janis Joplin Summertime

jan said...

Carol, love the pic. You are really living in the present.

Solar said...

I didn't like that pic at all..........jealous now hrmf.!!

Coreen,

My favorite song off all time is by Janis...piece of my mind or something like that.....O sing it all of the t ime...wanna hear it?

jan said...

We have had the strangest day here weather-wise. We have alternated between sleet-rain-snow and sun. The temp has not been too bad - in the 40's & 50's.

jan said...

Solar, I love flea markets too. My idea of a perfect Sat in summer is to hit the flea mkts, farmer's mkts and some yard sales

Solar said...

Every spring at the flea market I buy 1/2 doz of Monkey grip gloves...they are insulated on the inside..and rubber on the out side..great for handling charcoal around the hse when I bbq and for any kind of works that involves handling cold steel, and other things...

I think that I have that horse trading thing in my dna..I love to see what I can get things for...once bought a watch for a girl (Sue) at a jewelery store and didn't like the price...she made a bet that I couldn't get it any cheaper...she had tried....she lost.!

Carol said...

Anyone watching 60 minutes about that musical savant? Wow. Now that's difficult to understand.

Carol said...

What's your stategy Solar or is it a secret? I doubt those vendors are reading our blog. I'm never good at bargaining.

Chloe said...

"I'm never good at bargaining."

Carol, you didn't ask me but I just have to throw in my 2 cents worth.

I don't go to swap meets (what flea markets were called in Ca.) anymore, but I was always good at bargaining when I did.

You can't let emotion guide you when you're bargain hunting. You have to decide, ahead of making an offer, what the highest price is that you're willing to pay for something, and then not go any higher than that. You just ask them if they'll take X-amount for it.

You can't bluff, you have to mean it when you make a low offer, and you have to walk away if you can't get it for your prices. You just thank them, but tell them that's all you can afford.

Often, when you start to walk away, that's when they'll call you back and say OK. But not always. That's why you can't get emotionally involved. You've got to be able to let what you're bargaining for go (rather than pay more than what you think it's worth to you).

It's always important to treat them with respect, just like you do everyone. And to show your appreciation when you get what you want. Sometimes that takes 'pleading poor'. :)

Chloe said...

All that said, and I have to say that I really don't like doing that anymore. Ha!

Carol said...

Thanks Chloe for that info. I'll store that info in case I ever need anything again and run across a flea market. Right now I'm trying to avoid buying anything. I have no more room for stuff. I'm flush with stuff.

Carol said...

Last evening I caught a good part of 60 minutes, Wall Street: Inside the Collapse. Took me right out of the PRESENT. I didn't mention it last night because I didn't want to ruin the mood.

They talked about these few people who saw that collapse coming and got disgusting wealthy. One, was a guy with one good eye and Aspbergers. You can't tell me he was on top of this and all the companies involved didn't know all about what was happening.

The problem is there were many who knew and were most likely sucking wealth out of the system. They were surfing the big wave so no one was going to do anything to stop it. And many involved probably knew the government would have to bail out these companies and we'd be paying for it.

And those bonuses. We rewarded those idiot/robbers. There is no doubt in my mind that people in the government knew what was going on also. They were, also, most likely padding their nest eggs with our money.

Carol said...

The people should be OUTRAGED/riot in the street if some sort of meaningful regulatory reform is not put into place. The right keeps screaming about socialism but instead we are handing our paychecks over to the Wall Street and the government bailing them out.

Staying in the present is a really neat concept but can be dangerous. If we don't worry about the future, we don't get anything done.

Coreen said...

I was wondering if you had watched the 60 Minutes Wall Street piece...unfortunately it
seems that there is really no significant change in the near future...when you listen to
how easily the entire finanical system was manipulated it is frustrating...

jan said...

Carol, thanks for the info on 60 minutes last night. I didn't watch it. I get most of my news here at the swamp. If I see anything on TV at night that disturbing, I won't sleep. That already happened to me Friday night - so could not miss another night. Thanks for keeping us all informed here.