Say hello to Mary's new Grandbaby: Lauren Elizabeth.In case you missed it, she was born 3 weeks early and weighed in
at 8 lbs. and is 20 inches long.
Mom and Dad and GRAMMA MARY are doing well!
"Babies are Angels that fly to the earth,
their wings disappear at the time of their birth.
One look in their eyes and we're never the same,
they're part of us now and that part has a name-
That part is your heart and a bond that won't sever,
our Babies are Angels, we love them forever. "
Author unknown
... ooh -
Congrats Auntie Carol and Auntie Big Sis too!
(posted for Mary)
134 comments:
Mary, I started out with 5 pics, but one disappeared. Let me know if I missed one you particularly want on here, and I'll go back and add it.
Also, please keep us posted on how she's doing.
Wow! she is a beautiful baby. Great pictures. Good job Chloe in getting them on and a new post. Mary, Congratulations grandmother and aunties Mary and big sis.
It is amazing that she is 37 weeks. You can tell they have put the stuff in her eyes - they are all shiny.
When will LE be going home? How are mom and dad doing?
Mary, My birthday is on the 13th of April. I have always considered 13 to be my lucky number. June 13 was a great day to be born.
opps - I meant to say "aunties Carol and big sis."
Chloe, I love the pome about babies. So very true.
Well this is a wonderful surprise. Time for thinking about new birth and renewal.
New pappa told me last night that they were going home today. Have you heard if they got there yet Grandma?
Excellent work Chloe, the poem is perfect....
Maybe we'll get lucky to see a pic of the 'new
family' too...
Best wishes to the entire family, grandmom, and
great aunts too....
And again I really like her name...whoever chose Lauren Elizabeth gave her a wonderful name...
Chloe,
Thank you so much. That post was perfect. I love it. When I talked to Jeremy earlier, he said they were going to be d/c'd around 1:00pm.
The hosp. had a professional photograher that took pictures and there is a really nice picture of Mom, Dad and Baby. Jeremy bought the CD and he is going to get me one so I will link a picture of family when I can.
Thank you again, Chloe.
Hi everyone and thanks.
Mary, I can add the family pic to the post if you want me to. If so, just forward it to my email (along with their names, if you'd like them included).
... well, off to do my evening chores, so I can call it a day early.
ps Carol, Hope things are going well with the arrangements for your SF. Let us know how they're are going, and how you're doing too.
P.S. Remember the Al/Tipper Gore split....& all the protestations...
well, this is only a RUMOR...Hollywood Gossip reporting that Al (surprise, surprise) having an affair with Larry David's ex Laurie David....(Larry the co-creator of Seinfeld & Curb Your Enthusiasm)...& by the way was it Laurie David who had some odd comments about ways to 'green' the environment...I think during the pres. campaigns (but I may be wrong)
Al Gore
Accused of Affair with Laurie David
And the follow up denial by Laurie David
Laurie David slams reports of affair with Al Gore
Jan, I have always liked the no. 13 also. Mom used to say Friday the 13th was her lucky day. I know June 13th was a great day.
Carol and sis, what are you two doing lately? I am looking forward to hearing more about your adventures.
12 y/o GD and I went to the library yesterday. She checked out 5 paperbacks in her age-appropriate category. She loves to read.
Ivy, I found the book "March" by Geraldine Brooks at the library. I am so excited. I am halfway through "Year of Wonders" Love it.
We went to the YMCA and swam tonight. Tomorrow we will be going to see baby Abigail.
Chloe, I am getting my second computer lesson on Sunday. I have requested help with my digital pics. I hope in a week or so I can post some pics I have taken.
I see little LE is swaddled in the 3rd pic. It is amazing that they are so comfortable and sleep better when swaddled.
Hey Jan, it doesn't surprise me that swaddling makes them feel more comfortable when they have been used to tight spaces for 9 months. I guess, right after they hatch, they feel they have way too much wiggle room.
Interesting Coreen about Al. I guess the rumors will start flying. They're saying Tipper has been jealous and suspicious of other women also. Hell, I wouldn't want my man hanging out with any Hollywood types when I wasn't around, or when I was. I had issues in that area anyway.
I'm off for a three day vacation. Whoppee?
I just was awakened by work at 3 AM because of some idiot whose probably fibbing to get a trip to the hospital and now I can't go back to sleep. I have to deal with doing something to make room in my house for my new roomie. That place was over stuffed when it was just me and now I have to plow a place for another human. Also my SF is now at that critical stage and we can't wait any longer to do something. He has turned against almost everyone else who can help him. His nephew, who has his power of attorney, lives 4 hours north and SF screams and threatens him. Years ago he wanted to give the POA to me but I can't manage my own checkbook much less someone with a complex corp. So far he hasn't yelled at me.
Does my vacation sound like fun to you guys? Tell me that this is going to be fun and relaxing because right now I have a headache and stomach ache!
Carol, You were smart not to take on that power of attorney. Just let it go, and do what you have to do. If he needs to be in assisted living, then that's all you can do.
I haven't been reading my horoscope at all lately, but it popped up on my home page this morning when I ran my mouse down the page. I'm going to share it with you Carol - it may help you through some of your problems:
"Don't push yourself so hard -- it's not worth the stress you're putting on your mind or body. Do what you can, and don't hesitate to put forth all your energy -- but once it's done, let it go. Just sit back and let the universe do its job, rather than trying to be in charge of the whole process."
It fell right in line with what I've been thinking about lately - there sure has been a lot of synchronicity in my life, while I've been on this track. I internalize things like you do (you know, the stomach and body aches caused by worrying and stress) - I think it's my job at this point to learn to handle things differently (like that paragraph above). Could it be your time to try the same thing too?
All we can do is take baby steps - just do our best, then move on.
Ha.. Got myself thinking about that Bill Murray movie - here's a clip of some of the dialogue: Baby Steps
....... maybe you should rent it and watch it with big sis Carol (?)- it's bound to give you a few good laughs Bill Murray’s Baby Step Moxie Therapy
My lord Jan. You certainly are keeping busy. I'm tired just reading about the schedule you're keeping. Glad to hear you're having such fun with your GD!
Also good to hear you're going to have help with your digital pics. Anything I can do for you, just let me know (I'd be glad to help anytime I can) - but it's better to just dive in while you have those lessons, and try to learn to do everything you can do now. Especially since you'll have professional help, from the high tech guys, for a whole year.
A quote from that link above:
"A journey anywhere begins with a single step – even a baby step. If you want to get anywhere or accomplish anything you have to be willing to take the first step, however small. And then another. And another. And another. One step at a time. In a forward motion.
As a baby, you mustered up your Moxie – your confident courage – to take baby step after baby step – to learn how to walk. It paid off. I’ll be you’re a walking master today!
In these hectic days where people are balancing work, family and personal interests many people become so overwhelmed that they end up not getting any where. They take one step in one direction, another in a different direction and another step in yet another direction. They’re exhausted taking steps and frustrated that they’re still where they started!
Or, it they think they have to accomplish the task in one huge step, one great leap that is too daunting to even attempt. Either way, all that is required are a couple of little baby steps in the same direction. Start with the first one. A tiny one. When you find that first step was easy and got you somewhere, even just a few proverbial feet, the next few steps will be easier. The next ones even easier than that. Before you know it, you’ve reached your destination! You’ve accomplished your goal!
Muster up your Moxie Baby step your way to the rich delicious life you know you were born to create and enjoy."
Chloe, You have so much wisdom.
I use the serenity prayer. In times of stress like you are feeling now, I try to say it to myself several times.
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
In relation to your SF - It may help.
I have had a problem recently with a piece of commercial property my dad left jointly to my sister and me. For 4 years, I have been letting her take the rent from it b/c she has had some financial problems and I did not need the money. I am not sure what she was thinking, but she agreed to sell it to these two guys who were renting it without my knowledge and permission. Finally, the 2 of us have agreed that I will buy her part out. But I have had to have my lawyer step in. It has caused me no end of stress. She has an intestinal illness in which she has to hook herself up to IV's 5 nights a week to keep herself alive. I have been upset but unable to be angry with her. Nevertheless, I have done what needs to be done to get the legal help to get us out of the mess and buy her out.
Carol, I meant the serenity prayer for you - but it will work for anyone.
"I have done what needs to be done to get the legal help to get us out of the mess and buy her out."
You did the right thing Jan.
Thanks Chloe, I believe in getting the professional help needed to take care of problems. I love my sister so much and just want her to be comfortable. Our relationship has been a little strained in the past year since this all came up, but we have had only one verbal confrontation that got a little heated. I have tried to talk with her with her in a loving way about the situation, and protect her interests as well as my own.
Even though I have not shared this with you all here in the swamp before now, you have helped me get through this just by being there and through feeling like I had some people that cared about me. I have shared this with my 2 sons here also and they are very supportive. John has been upset with my sister about the issue, so I have had to ask him to step back and let me handle it.
"John has been upset with my sister about the issue, so I have had to ask him to step back and let me handle it."
... good for you, Jan.
Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. I think you were smart to get an attorney, and take care of this through the proper legal channels. That way you can work 'outside' the 'personal' feelings, and do things the right way - creating as little damage to your relationship as possible.
Just keep going in the same direction, and everything will turn out well, and fair to all involved (including you!).
That's my definition of any good transaction - that 'everyone' involved benefits in some way.
.. 'you're' the wise one here Jan. Well done!
Thanks Chloe. Your thoughts and words mean a lot to me.
12 y/o GD has decided she wants to go home. Her mom has multiple sclerosis and GD is worried about her. Her mom tried to swallow a pill last night and it caught in her throat and caused some breathing problems for her and they had to take her to ED. She is doing ok now - she has a sore throat but is breathing ok. I have made flight arrangements for GD to fly home about 3:30 tomorrow. I will miss her.
Jan, sorry about DIL and that little GD is heading home. She is worried about her mom. Sometimes when kids have ill moms, they feel like the caregiver.
Jan,
I'm very sorry your visit has to be cut short - we were all looking forward to hearing more about your sharing times in the days to come - and for the other difficulties you are experiencing. It sounds like your grand-daughter is having to grow up quickly and assume adult-like cares and responsibilities. The Serenity Prayer and Steps 1,2 & 3 are the best tools to cope with uncertainty, especially as relates to people, place and things...which covers just about everything in life.
One good thing about the time clock on this blog is that I can look at it and see exactly what time it is where Hubs and MCG are now. I don't have to do any mental addition or subtraction. I always prefer to avoid arithmetic whenever I can.
It was sleeting out there in Oregon yesterday...in the middle of June. MCG sent me a picture on her cell phone of sleet on the ground. Also, I've learned there's no air conditioning in any of the apartments they've seen because they don't need it. DON'T NEED IT??? I can hardly imagine such a thing. I've lived too many years in the South, I suppose. I don't even know how I managed to grow up in a house with no air conditioning.
Remember when we used to get moths in the closets? I haven't had a garment get moth-eaten in years...too cold in there, I guess. Moths don't like to be refrigerated. MCG didn't even know what moth balls were FOR when we saw some last week in Bed, Bath & Beyond.
I guess they still sell moth balls in the stores because some people (even in the South) still do not have air conditioning. I think there are people who don't even like it. Me, I'm too spoiled.
Ivy, when I visited big sis in Seattle, she had no AC. They do have an occasional day that gets up in the upper 80s and 90s. It's miserable then.
It's still pretty cool up her way right now and so far she is not complaining too much about our miserable heat. I can feel it coming though.
Carol,
Then it will be time for her to go home. lol
Visiting GD and I went to see oldest GD and great GD, Abigail tonight. It was such fun to see them. I got to rock Abigail to sleep. She is such a sweet baby and so happy. Mother GD told me I am a "favored" one. Abigail does not take to everyone. She smiled and squealed a lot.
I too grew up without AC. Many people here have the "swamp coolers" with the water-cooled air. It only works in dry climates. We have refrig. AC. I like it the best.
"It was sleeting out there in Oregon yesterday..."
Ivy, I would take some of that sleet right now.
Carol, The visiting GD and her sister (17 y/0) are the major care givers for their mom. She is completely wheel chair bound now. They have a van with a lift for her wheel chair and they have a lift at home too. She is on complete disability. They need to have someone come in and provide some care at least a few hours a day and I thought they were going to do that, but I think it is hard to find someone to do it.
That is very sad Jan. That is just not fair for kids to have to do that. We had to watch our father's illness and for him to die slowly from about Jr. high school age on. It wasn't pleasant. We weren't caregivers though, just misery watchers.
This SF thing is something that is kicking my ass. I don't know what to do. There are a couple of relatives coming out of the woodwork to help and have helped some recently but if I ask them any questions, they threaten to drop out. The relative he gave his POA to told me yesterday that he just has his personal POA and that doesn't cover his Corp. He has been in the area trying to research things for the last couple of days. I think after what he saw, he's ready to wash his hands of it all.
The only funds my SF has at the moment are tied up in his Corp and they are most likely owed to someone or to taxes. He is beyond cash poor but does have assets tied up in land.
My SF is in the hospital but the Shrink who put him in there went on vacation and won't be back until next week. His nephew, with his POA, called last night and said the hospital called him and SF wants to go home. I'm not sure they can legally keep him but he can't go home. He is incompetent to take care of any of his finances or to drive. His license has been taken away. His house is a nightmare of filth.
There is a couple, who live in his area, who have helped some in the past and are now willing to help a little but the relatives who just popped in the picture don't trust them at all. And they don't trust the relatives who just popped in the pic. I don't know who to trust but I have to trust someone. I don't want to run anyone, who is willing to help, off.
My big sis and I are meeting with one relative, who has recently jumped in to help, with some major financial transactions, Friday. We are going thru the house to try to determine what debts are outstanding.
Between work and this, I had my phone to my ear all day and evening yesterday. I did talk to a lawyer hired by the POA guy. I have an appointment with her next week and she was the only person who didn't cause me any anxiety.
I have my SF's healthcare POA. I thought I could handle that part. I will not deal with the finances except to protect what was my mother's. She waited on my SF, hand and foot and took care of his books, for 30 years and he really never appreciated her significant contribution. If she wanted anything nice over the years, most of the time, she paid for it out of her own funds. Except for their home, which is totally deteriorated now, she paid for everything she had herself, except for groceries.
The only nice things they have in their home came from my father's father. They are antiques. They belong to my sisters and I.
Today I have a CEU pharm workshop all day at the University. Well, that is 8 hours that I won't have to time to worry.
If it is boring, I will always have Iphony to keep me entertained.
Carol,
Sorry to hear that the difficulties with your SF continue...
Glad to hear that you will be meeting with an
attorney so that you can discuss any concerns
you have.
As far as those items in the home that you said are antiques and were from your father's
family, you may want to remove them now...
Not sure what happened to your mother's assets
when she passed,(ownership) if there was a will or not would determine here in CT & depending on that, her husband could have been the owner of what she left, so in order to avoid any arguments over the ownership of those items you say are you & your sisters, by those relatives that are appearing, my suggestion is that it is better to gain physical control of them now...to avoid others
from claiming rights to them by virture of their blood relationship to your SF....
I forgot if you said your SF ever made a will
giving his assets to anyone & if he did not
you may want to inquire from the attorney what
the laws in LA say about inheritance in the absence of a will....
I would not want you & your sisters to be unable to at least keep those items that you
mentioned, that is why I would get them now
before anyone else comes forward looking for
what they may believe has value...
Sorry if I sound mercenary, but have seen to often what happens when there is anything of
value upon the death of someone...
At my workshop.
Coreen, been there before. SF
has usefruct of mom' assets. I hope
we can get control before they are all lost.
Carol,
I am taking you statment to mean that SF has
life use of those assets that are ultimately
you & your sisters...
If it were me, I would take those items now
and deal with any fallout if & when others
try to claim anything later...
Practically, for others to make a claim would
require them paying for legal representation to
try to recover the claimed assets (at least heere) often not something they
want to do (spend their own money).
Better to have the items in your possession
& control rather than risking themm disappearing, since once they are gone, almost
impossible to get them back....
And as for trusting others...when it comes to
the belief that there may be $$$(relatives coming out of the woodwork so to speak)...all bets are off...& you & your sisters need to protect yourselves....
Thanks Coreen.
I'm gonna have trouble staying awake here. Great to have Iphony. I wonder if there is an app that will slap me when I start
to snooze?
Carol, I am thinking about you in dealing with all this stuff. I am glad big sis is there to help with all this. Try to carve out some fun in the midst of it too.
Bummer about having to do the pharm workshop today.
Now discussing PTSD. I need treatment for
that.
Jan there are bigger bummers I'd be dealing with if
it weren't this workshop. I might pick up something here I can't use because my joint can't afford it.
PTSD
Traumatic event exposure 55-65 percent in
US. Women are in high risk group, twice that of men.
Bare with me folkes, I'm trying to stay awake here.
New research re early use of beta blockers to prevent PTSD. Heard that a
while back. Glad I take
one every day.
Now STD. Whopee! Then lunch. Bigger whopee.
Still awake. Sis met with roomie and made
a plan. That is wonderful. Sis likes roomie. That's wonderful. Everything going well at work. That's wonderful. I'll be taking sis out for supper if she wants. Ditto.
Oh, and thank you God!!
An absolutely beautiful baby. Congratulations to all who get to share her life.
Jamie,
Good to see you here...!
Coreen,
Thanks for your wealth of knowledge and experience and your willingness to share it.
I recall after my grandmother's death when I was a college sophomore, I stepped forward to request an item my grandmother had promised to me. It was an hand-made quilt made by her mother. It wasn't stated in the will, or written down anywhere else, nor was anyone other than me aware of the promise. They didn't want to give it to me because none of the other grandchildren were receiving any bequests, as there were "too many" of us. It was very emotional for me and took a lot of courage for me to speak up to "the elders." In the end, I received the quilt, and I still have it an cherish it to this day. It is over 100 years old.
If I had been denied the quilt, I'm sure I would have nursed a grievance to this day... or at least up to a point where I've had to learn to just let some things go. That would have been a hard one because the quilt symbolized my relationship with my grandmother, and also the continuity to the woman who made it who I never met.
Ivy, good for you for stepping up to ask for what had been promised you.
Coreen, I too want to extend my appreciation for sharing your expertise.
Carol, sounds like your big sis is really a good person to have in your corner.
Jan,
I pray your GD was on a better plane than the one in Dallas that had its door snapped off. I hope she's okay with travelling on her own. She sounds like a grown-up girl.
Ivy, I didn't know about the plane in Dallas. I think she will be fine. Air travel is still the safest in this country. She is mature for a 12 - almost 13 year old. We went with her to the gate and watched the plane take off.
I know this is dumb, but I am having a tough time letting go of the old desk top computer that is a loaner from the school. I keep going back to it instead of using my laptop. I am on the laptop now. I think the best way to do this is turn off the desktop and not allow myself to use it. That way I can wean myself off it. The school of nurs has allowed me to keep it for a while longer. Its a "comfort" thing.
Jan,
How did you get TSA to let you go down to the gate? They would not let us go with my mother to the gate even though she was in a wheelchair.
Jan,
I wouldn't worry about which computer you're using. When the time comes for you to give back the desktop, then you will make the switch to laptop only.
"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."
- Lao Tzu
Ivy, I just told them she was 12 and we wanted to stay with her until she boarded the plane and there was no problem. They gave John and I both these papers that looked like boarding passes. We stayed until we saw the plane in the air. John bought GD a prepaid phone last night and we charged it this morning but could not get it to work. She should be in the air between Dallas and LR now and arrive in LR at 9:20 pm. Her dad will be picking her up. I am on pins and needles until I know she is with her dad.
I am on the desktop now. I just can't stay away from it. I am a little anxious since GD is not home yet - so I will wait to give up the desktop when I am more relaxed. It is sort of a compulsion.
OH yes, BTW guess who was randomly picked to be patted down at the airport - Me??? I think they have profiled me. The last 2 times we went through airport security, I was patted down.
Coreen, I'm starting to wake up and smell the coffee. That lawyer I talked to yesterday, that I thought was hired by the nephew/POA to check into my SF's interest and help with what needs to be done with him, wouldn't even talk to me today and said she could have nothing to do with us. I was asked yesterday to call her and give her info. I found out from the Social Worker that that nephew with the POA has resigned the job but he didn't have the POA for his Corp so he couldn't do much.
Now I realize that the lawyer was hired to watch over these relative's interest and I probably gave them ammo. Boy do rats come out of the woodwork when these kinds of situations come up. I wanted to trust these people. These relatives are trying to block people who I did trust to help me with my SF and who did help him out for a long time.
My SF doesn't want to go into assisted living and wants to go home. He can't drive or manage his finances so someone has to do that and I can't. I'm OK with his going home if someone agrees to help him.
I will make sure my SF's physical well being is taken care of and that our family's interest is protected and those vultures can do what they want as long as they don't screw with what's left of his money until he's dead.
Honestly, I really don't know what they are all up to.
My SF does not have usefruct of our grandfather's furniture just their community property. We let mom use all that furniture because we didn't have any place to put it. SF doesn't want it. He has those rooms, with that furniture, closed off anyway. We want new daddy and wife to have that furniture. They will soon be buying a house. I bought my mom some nice china, as a gift, that we want to go to same. I will make new daddy get someone to move it and have it stored until they can get it up to the big C.
Jan, that's pretty weird about your getting patted down at the airport. I wouldn't think that you would look suspicious. Are you packing a heavy underwire or something?
Carol,
some questions about your SF
Does he know what he is doing, that is, does he still have the capacity to understand &
make decisions? Does he have a will?
What is the relation to him of these new found
relatives?
Do you want to take care of him yourself or
give up any responsibility, because if you
do want to keep helping, it would really be in
your best interests to see an attorney to
protect you...
I know he apparently is physically unable to care for himself at this
time, however, if he is still able to know
what is happening, it may be best for him
to see an attorney,& not only have a new POA
prepared but also petition the court for you or someone to be his conservator & if he has not done a will or even if he has, possibly make a new one to exclude the relatives that are circling
looking for a windfall, if that would be what he wants...again that is if he has the mental
capacity to decide now....
While he is alive, whether he has the mental capacity or not now & if you do want to help
care for him, you really need to legally be appointed his conservator (otherwise these relatives may try to not only push you out of the way, but hold you liable if they think you have taken something they think they are entitled to or done something to injure him)
there should be a proceeding to be appointed a conservator (may be called
something else in LA) where the person who
is willing to take that responsibility is
appointed by a court (here it is the Probate Court) & once appointed the person has the
legal authority to make any & all decisions
relating to the person's care, welfare & to
administer his estate (assets)....
those relatives would be barred from
trying to take over since legally the conservator makes all decisions...They may be getting ready to try to be appointed at this time....
Again I strongly suggest you contact an attorney to protect not just your SF but more
importantly you...
Remember when there is the idea that $$$ is involved, (even if there isnt' but they think there is) greed is a powerful motivator, which
may be what these relatives are looking for...especially since they have not been
in any way interested in his welfare for all
these years....
You need to start thinking about protecting
you as welll as helping your SF, since the
others are not looking out for your best interests...please be very careful with these
people....
Trust me Carol...I have seen it too many times
when any amount of $$$ is involved...all bets
are off & greed takes over...so please
protect yourself before they say you did something improper...
Ivy, I have a Charlotte out on the porch. She builds a web every night and zips it up in the morning. The only problem is that she has been putting it in my path and I have wrecked it a couple of times. Glad I didn't give Charlotte a ride on my shirt or one of us might have been injured.
Just saw your post Coreen. My SF did have a will and I think his nephews were in it. At one time a charity was also involved. I really don't know about anything recent. I don't want anything besides what was my mom's.
Coreen, I can't provide my SF's care even though I don't want him taken advantage of. I am already overwhelmed with all I have to do.
He's still pretty sharp. His main problems are that he doesn't want to deal with his finances, isn't competent to drive and really needs someone to provide his meals. I've tried to make it clear to all that I'm willing to help out but don't want to take full responsibility. They better not screw with our grandfather's furniture.
The house is community property so I don't think they can keep me out of there but they did change the locks while SF was in the hospital. We are suppose to meet one there tomorrow so I will know more then.
At this time I think my SF trusts me more than any of them. At least he used to. I have been the only one who will talk to him honestly. They are scared to tell him anything.
I could probably turn him against them but don't want to unless I find out for sure they are up to no good. If they are sincere, I'm cool.
Ivy, GD got home just fine. I told her when she got to Dallas to find an airline employee and let them know she is 12 and traveling alone. She did that and she said they helped her find the gate. She is 5 ft 9 inches tall so I thought the employees might think she was older and I wanted them to know her age so maybe they would keep an eye out for her. I feel a great sense of relief.
Carol, If you don't want the responsibility that is certainly understandable, & unfortunately if the relatives gain control of him & his estate, (my instincts tell me that they are in the process of trying to take control, especially since the attorney is working for them) you will have no way of protecting him, but you need to be careful to protect yourself, since you still try to help your SF & in the end those relatives could as I said 'blame' you for some perceived mishap....
And while you still are able to gain access to the house, I again strongly suggest you remove all your mom's property ASAP, before these
nephews try to take control....just because
you know the items are your moms, if the
relatives take control, they could still make
it difficult if not impossible for you to
get those things back...better to be safe
than sorry....
Carol, you sure have a lot on your plate in dealing with your SF. I hope tomorrow goes well for you.
Carol, the fact that they changed the locks
makes me very suspicious of their motives.
Have they ever taken an interest in your SF's
well-being before now....
If you meet them there, you need to really insist upon having a key to the home...and while I don't know LA laws, I am not sure that
once a person dies, the idea of community property remains, all in the home would
be the property of the surviving spouse...so
please don't rely on the goodness of strangers,
get a key & then get your family's things out of there....
Coreen, I've also seen, personally, the evil that comes out in people under these circumstances. Our relatives tried to cut us out of our father's stuff and we had to go to court and we won. But it did take a toll on me.
If we let what my mom had go, she'd roll over in her grave. I could care less about anything else.
Nephew's wife said she would give me a key tomorrow. That was yesterday. Things might have changed. I was also wanting SF to go into assisted living but now that he doesn't want to and the vultures are circling, I'm not sure what to do.
His Shrink thought he needed a nursing home long ago. He didn't then. He will be back in town tomorrow. Now, I still think SF would be better off in an assisted living but not if he is strongly opposed to the idea.
Thanks for the advice Coreen. I will find an attorney. I wonder if I should talk to SF's attorney.
Carol,
I would strongly heed Coreen's counsel. She knows the mechanics of the process, and we all know what evil lurks in the hearts of men. I had dinner with a close friend last evening, and she is getting ready to go through all of this with her formerly closeasthis siblings.
I pray for the best, but if the worst happens, and you can't get hold of your mom's legacy, we will help you get through that too.
Charlotte is a good omen. She builds, loses, and rebuilds every day.
Certainly give SF's attorney a call...nothing to lose, either he/she will talk to you or won't...
And I would talk it over with SF...if he wants
you involved, you should be legally appointed
& if you aren't in his will already, you should be!...use your best efforts to not get
cut out....
I know you say the property has little value,
but who knows maybe it is more valuable then
you think....those nephews aren't making a move
out of the goodness of their hearts...they
think it has significant value....hey, maybe
there's oil under it! Think Elly Mae Clampett...
As far as SF's living arrangements, talk it over with him & his attorney as well...do any
lawyers there practice what we call elder law...dealing with nursing home issues, conservators, poas, wills, etc....
I will gladly talk over anything you may find out if you want...just let me know & I will give you my phone #s & I will try to figure out
what happens in LA....
Time to go to sleep...its after midnight here...hey real life events makes C2C look like a walk in the park....
I'm kinda thinking that there's a good possibility that SF is on to these people. He's no dummy.
Yes Coreen, he just got an oil lease on some of his property for over a 100 grand a few weeks ago. That's when the flies landed.
Jan,
Glad GD made it home. She sounds very mature and responsible for her age. I hope she gets a little more time to be a kid, if she's ever had any.
Your story reminds me of a relative who grew up in rural Kentucky. When she was 13, she was given the responsibility of escorting two younger cousins on a train trip to deliver them to family members in St. Louis, or could even have been Chicago from what I recall. A long big train trip, a child escorting other children. Then she had to make the return trip alone. This is hard for us to imagine in our day, but there was a time and place in our culture where 13 was considered old enough for adult responsibility. This resourceful girl (Hubs' aunt by marriage) grew up to become a Navy nurse, a real take-charge lady, and still is at the vibrant age of 70.
Hey Ivy, hello/goodnight....
Thanks for the vote of confidence.....
"we all know what evil lurks in the hearts of men"
Think of me as the Shadow then...
Carol you will get your mom's things...
And by the way, what gave the nephews the right to change SF's door locks...he is not
incompetent....he still has the right to gain access & thus you....
I do think elderly people should be able to stay in their homes and keep their sense of independence for as long as possible. When they lose what they consider their dignity, it's all down hill from there.
What! I knew it...there is always more to the
story....and now knowing that, you really need
to get involved....
Yes I will tune into C2C. It can't be worse than this sh--.
Carol,
Extraterrestrials will never be able to scare you again. lol
Coreen, to answer your guestion, I helped out with both mom and SF when mom was alive and for a while after mom died. I used to be my SF's side kick. I worked cows with him, I occasionally drove a combine, and we rode the range together. We were best buddies.
I haven't done much in a while and I just can't do much of anything anymore. It would be a full time job. We don't want anything except what was due my mother and to make sure his well being is taken care of. Those relatives can have whatever is left over.
I think my SF is pretty tough physically. He can probably outlive all of us.
But extrarelative still can Ivy.
Thanks, all of you. Nite, and to bed with George.
And Jan, so happy to see that GD got home OK. Sorry that your visit got cut short. She wouldn't be able to have fun while worrying about her mom. I know I never could. My mom would plant some little seed of worry about her every time I left for any vacation. It actually would have been funny if it didn't work so well on me.
I remember once she told me that she thought she had a blood clot in her leg and would probably be dead when I got back. Oh, I did check out that leg. There wasn't a thing wrong with it.
Carol,
It's starting out as a really good day here, but still with your current situation with your SF...
Leaving aside any inheritance issues in the future (which I still hope has you included in a will) as to the current responsibility to see that your SF is cared for properly, if you were appointed to be in charge, that does not
mean that you necessarily must physically be
present 24/7, but you would be in control of
hiring aides, letting him stay at home if possible or making arrangements to live in
a nursing/assisted living facility....
As far as his financial affairs now, again
if you were legally appointed, you could hire
an accountant or whomever you would deem needed
to assist you in taking care of his affairs
(also as a conservator, you could also get
paid to do the work) I know it sounds mercenary
but if you do want to see that he is ok, it
would seem that the only way for you to not
be pushed aside by these other relatives is
for you & your SF to take legal action to
insure that they don't swope in & send him off
somewhere he doesn't want to be....
Is it possible that you & the one relative (nephew) you have a good relationship with could work together to insure that your SF is not taken advantage of by the others.
At this point, I still don't know under what
authority they changed the locks at SF's house...barring you & him as well from gaining
access to his own property...
I hope you do quickly get in touch with an attorney to see what steps you need to take
to protect you & SF....I still think they are
in the process of trying to take control since
they have hired an attorney....pretty sure they didn't do that to help your SF...
I have my SF's healthcare POA. I make the healthcare decisions Coreen. I will contact his attorney this morning. Social worker called me yesterday and asked who should be the family contact. I told him I was the POA for his healthcare. I did tell him I was concerned with his ability to take care of himself at his home. The SW was acting weird. Even his Doc may be involved in this game.
I think these people have all used me and my guilt over not being able to be the one to provide his care. They have played me like a fiddle.
We are meeting with the wife of one of the nephews. She has been running this show. My SF wouldn't have anything to do with the boys, just her. He just may be on to these people because he wouldn't have much of anything to do with the nephews at all, just one wife. He does cotton to women. That's another problem.
You know my sis and I wondered what the symbolism of that snake was last week. I think we just found out.
Good Carol...take any steps you need to find
out what is going on...
Sounds like your SF may be ready to get rid
of the nephew & the wife & since SF still has
the mental capacity to make decisions, he and
you need to legally gain control of the
situation before they do....
I hope my concerns about what seems to be
developing are off mark, but better to act
before it is too late....Sorry to press you
to act, but would not want you to be the fallguy for these relatives....
Again will be happy to discuss any of it with
you if you want after you find out more...
And aside from this difficult situation are
you & your sisters planning any good things...
Carol,
Seems to me you can't make health care decisions if you are locked out of the house. They better get you the new key, PDQ. Perhaps they have taken the first step in creating liability for themselves by usurping the door locks?
Who did you say these folks are?
Carol,
Don't forget, SF is a pretty good fiddler himself.
Carol,
Here is a question to ask yourself: Do you want to retain the health care responsibility for your SF and, if so, why? If not, perhaps you can negotiate with them to turn it over to them in exchange for your mother's property?
No, Ivy, I will not give up the healthcare decisions. I will find out today more about what they are up to.
The nephew with the POA wanted SF locked in a mental ward in assisted living. He was pressuring me to make that decision a couple of days ago. So was Ms, we here the help. I said no!
Quick look at LA laws...there is a court proceeding available to be appointed the following:
1. guardian of the person...care, welfare, etc. but the guardian does not control the
assets
2. conservator is the person who is appointed
to control the money/assets.
It seems that the same person can be one or both, that would be what you may want to consider after speaking with SF & his/your atty.
I see that in your community property state,
the law gives the spouse life use what your
law calls usefruct? & then if the subject property was owned by the deceased spouse outside the marital assets, you & your sisters
are 'naked owners' of mom's property....which
does seem to give you some protection from
any efforts by the relatives to stop you from
regaining the assets, but I would still think
you should get out what you can sooner than
later...if SF would agree to removal, they can't stop it....
The conservator/guardian actions would allow
more control over what is going on, rather than
just the poa's that you &/or the nephew still
has over some part of SF's estate...not sure
what he controls, since you mentioned he does
not have poa over SF's corporation? & he is
apparently resigning or has resigned from acting...which would likely have to be done by
some sort of written resignation to someone....
And still unclear as to what legal standing the
nephew/wife has over SF's affairs...again the
locking of the house, done apparently w/o SF's consent?...
And since you do not really want to give up
your position as helping with SF's personal
care, while it will be an additional burden
to take on, you need to be legally protected
from these relatives, while you are trying to
do the right thing...
Hope you get some advice on how best to proceed...much to consider before you decide...
Carol,
The question is really for yourself only, but you didn't answer the first part about why you want to retain the health care responsibility. But I take it from your other comments it's because you believe the relatives may not see properly to his care.
Hi folks, I am going to be taking a technology break for a few days.
Carol, I wish you well in handling this stuff of your SF's. It sounds so overwhelming. Hope you get more time to enjoy your sister's visit.
I need to break my addiction to the computer and find some other meaningful things to do for a few days.
Thanks Coreen and Ivy for the advice. Coreen you have mail.
It was a very productive day and seems I may have bitten off more than I can chew. What's new. The Universe was pushing me to do it anyway. Since I wouldn't volunter, the Universe pushed me into it.
Sis and I got quite a bit done today. I think we got just about everything covered for SF to be able to return home. And I think I will be the new POW oh, I mean POA. No, I think I was right the first time.
I'm gonna miss you Jan. I guess that is too late. Jaaaaannnnn. Enjoy your peace. I'm so sorry I have been mucking up the peace around here.
Carol,
Did you meet with the relatives today? What did you find out? What are they up to?
I managed to get SF a pass to take him out for Father's day. He was around longer in my life than my father had the opportunity to be. Mom married him when I was about 23 or so. They were married for 30 years. He wasn't much of a husband but he did bring home the bacon. Mom wasn't that great in picking the kind of guys she really would have enjoyed.
Sf worked the fields from before sun up until way after sun down. He never had a hobby, seldom ever took a vacation, and really didn't know how to have fun. Working the land was his life.
He never even talked much. When we did things together, hardly a word was spoken, well, at least not by him. I did a good bit of talking. He did laugh at me alot.
He was a dyed in the wool Republican. Yuk. We fought a good bit about that. He listened to Rush and Sean, but not when I was with him.
He put a portable radio out in the barn where his heifers hungs out and played country and western music. I helped him out with a many of crisis. Once, the heifers open a feed chute and all of them got the bloat. We were all Vets that day. Had to put tubes down all of them and flush them out. If I find an old pic of me in my cowgirl clothes, I send one. You might not recognize me under all that cowshit.
I do care quite a bit about that man.
I didn't see you slip in Ivy. You must have tiptoed. Next time slam the door.
The wife of the nephew who had taken over everything finally bowed out and quickly. I guess when I moved in, she realized she might not be able to accomplish what they had up their sleaves, which I think was to get my SF put away.
Somehow I think my SF may have been more in control than anyone realized. He has been trying to get more of my attention and he succeeded. But then I have been on vacation, which he again, managed to get a lot of control over. At least I had company, big sis.
We have lined up almost everything we need to help SF stay at home, if he will follow the rules.
Carol,
It may be hard now, but he won't be around forever, so take the bad along with the good for the time you have him. Bad memories usually recede, and become the "meat" of funny stories later.
Hubs and MCG got back home. I posted about it on TM and got good feedback from our kind and wise colleagues there...now it's off to bed.
I'm certainly full of meat Ivy. Actually choking on it.
I'll go check out your story Ivy. If you didn't give enough details, I want you to give them here.
Just got back from TM. I told you about Powells first. Nah, nah, nah nah, nah. I think that maybe we need a few more details here Ivy.
What was the temp while they were there? When you go Ivy, you really need to see the coast also, the most beautiful coast. I stayed in a little Inn in Yachats. Lots of neat little towns along the coast. Lots of neat lighthouses. I love lighthouses. I got a little replica of everyone I visited.
Ivy, you can also share some of the funny sh-- father's say. I'm trying to think of something funny my SF has said. Hummm. Nope, can't think of anything. Oh yeah, he said, why don't you take my POA. That was funny.
What am I still doing up?
Hey Carol, I've got you beat. I've been up since about 6:00 pm Thurs. eve. and as you see, it's almost 6:00 am Sat. I have not even been tired. I even took an Ambien 10 mg. at 1:00am and am still kicking.
If anyone is interested in seeing any more pictures of my beautiful granddaughter and a couple of parents and granddaughter, here is a link. I did get permission from my son to put the link here which I knew would not be a problem.
http://picasaweb.google.com/jerwilson76/LaurenWilson?authkey=Gv1sRgCJnkhe7c3aWQvgE#
Ivy said on TM: "Stuff's always that much funnier when you're not allowed to laugh"
Oh Ivy, have you ever been at a funeral, been really sad or at least scared, but something that happened made you want to burst out in laughter?? I have on several occasions.
I remember when I was a kid and we went the funeral of some friend of my parents. It was in a little town up north of here. I was nervous, always was in a funeral home. Death wasn't something that I was very fond of.
I'm sitting there, shaking and sweating in the pew and all of a sudden this choir, burst into song. The noise came from behind this wall up front. It sound like what I thought a herd of young piglets, being run over by something, would sound like. They hit notes that were foreign to my ears and no two alike. I almost jumped outta my seat. Soon as I unglued myself from the ceiling this overwhelming urge to laugh came over me. I think my face almost exploded trying to suppress it. I think I mighta lost one of my lives that day.
Am I alone here or has anyone else ever had a similar experience?
Ivy, I did write a book when I was staying with mom and helping take care of her. Even though there was not much that I can say that was funny, I did laugh a lot at some of the things I wrote at the time. Writing was the way I kept my sanity.
I still use it now.
I'm not sure if I did manage to keep my sanity. And when ya'll have a diagnosis, let me in on it.
Mary, I love the pics of LE. She is a beautiful baby. It is great to see a pic of your son and DIL too. They are both very attractive. I especially liked the pic of LE with all her little ID ankle-bracelets. I bet you can hardly wait to get your hands on her.
Ivy, I know you are happy to have Hubs and MCG home again.
I sure missed GD the day of and after she left. It brought back some grief of losing Lobie for both John and me. We both got back into some exercise full blast and eating healthy to combat some slight depression. I also had some difficult conversations with my son in ARK too but we are on good terms again and I think we had some healthy discussions. As a result of this and other issues, I had a couple of poor-sleeping nights but now am back on track. So I am back here to catch up to what you guys are saying.
Carol, writing/journaling has been a way for me to deal with troublesome things in my life. Sounds like that is true for you too. I wish I would sit down and write when I am happy - usually it is when I am sad or upset. Oh Well, it works to write it down.
Helllllo Jan. Hope you are getting a little more peace. It's the weekend and time to pretend that everything is right with the world.
Sis asked what we could do and I told her anything she wanted as long as it is in a temp controlled environment. Not much to do around this town inside unless you want to shop. That's pretty pityful also. It's hell outside right now.
What's nice about my camp is that being inside is like being outside but temp controlled. I'm not sure if I can cast out a fishing line and hit the river though, but I haven't ever tried.
Carol, BTW, you did not mess up my peace.
Chloe, I miss you!
Ivy, I have about 50 more pages in Year of Wonders. I am not wanting it to be over. I did find "March" at the library - so it is sitting and waiting. Reading "....Wonders" makes me realize how easy we have it in this century and this country. Women especially lived such difficult lives back in the 1600's and still live difficult lives in many other countries.
L E.
......haven't been around lately but let me tell u t hat you are a real beauty.!!
But that doesn't mean the same rules don't apply to you as to any other pink around here.! First of all, U will need to get this straight, right now, so I don't have to repeat my self to much, too often:
I don't make the rules...they are in the book of winkle...a book that uncle Solar will read to you......often, some cool version of little red riding in the hood...but that a little later on for you...anyway:
In this book it states, and this is forgotten by some of the others on occasion.....Solar leads whenever we dance...and since this is our first dance....just want to make it special...know that I can't bounce U around like Gramma-Maria...she likes it rough HA.!......so this is one of my favorite songs in the whole world....
no singing actually, that what I love the most...no singing....just listening....ready? I won't drop U honest....well I did drop that one babe....but I didn't know that her name was Sue....I drop them like bad habits......Oh, go and get a quick change.....now stopping once we get going........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuAQFFOuy3c
now = not
Jan,
I completely agree with your comments. Geraldine Brooks is the author of a non-fiction book about the lives of Muslim women. I think it will go on my "wish list" especially if it's going to be while before her next novel. You will get to a page in "Wonders" where you will find this amazing quote, in the words of Anna:
"I cannot say I have faith anymore. Hope, perhaps. We have agreed that it will do for now."
Carol,
You do get the credit for referring us to Powell's bookstore. Although what motivated Hubs and MCG to actually go there was a suggestion from her new advisor.
I just finished watching the movie (on TV), 'Jarhead.' my sister's 19 year old grandson will be going to marine boot camp in Sept. I wanted to see how the movie portrayed the marines. I don't know why he joined the marines. The movie just validated that 'war is hell.' Once I started watching it, I could not stop. I don't recommend it unless you like GI and war movies. My nephew's name is David Isaac. He is the sweetest kid, gentle as a lamb. I sit and think - would he be able to kill someone if they came after him?? I hope that question is never answered.
Off to bed.
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